


if you stick around

by goldenvessel



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, M/M, basically josh is a tattoo artist and tyler is a shy kid who is scared to get a tattoo, but also really wants one, tw for self harm and parental abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-09-27 19:51:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10043462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenvessel/pseuds/goldenvessel
Summary: Josh finally confronts the kid who can never work up the nerve to walk into the tattoo parlor, and accidentally falls in love with him.





	1. out of the corner of my eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from march to the sea
> 
> i've been thinking about writing this idea for a while now and then i decided the night before my calc test was the best time to start

Josh was getting annoyed. 

He watched as the small boy with the grey hoodie walked past the front windows for the third time in the past hour, pausing momentarily to gaze in. The boy blushed and ducked his head when he saw Josh looking at him, and quickly walked off. Josh sighed.

He should be used to it by now. Working in a tattoo parlor, he saw this kind of thing a lot. People walk in, full of a spontaneous impulse to make a permanent decision, and walk right out when they come to their senses. He’s even had clients schedule meetings, plan out tattoo’s for _weeks_ , and cancel everything at the last second. 

So yeah, this small boy with the grey hoodie was nothing out of the norm. Just another kid fogging up the windows, dreaming of getting a tattoo, which would probably never happen. Either too scared, or too broke, or too practical.

Josh may have been a little broke, but he was neither scared nor practical, which is why, at just 20, his arms were covered with colorful ink. And if he didn’t get a break from the boredom of working weekday mornings soon, he was on the verge of adding more. By himself. Like he said, he wasn’t scared. And he definitely wasn’t practical. 

That was the reason Josh gave himself for opening the door and following after the boy, briefly flipping the sign to ‘closed'. Boredom. Curiosity, maybe. Call it a spontaneous impulse. 

“Hey, kid!” He called out. The sidewalk and streets were empty at 10:00 am on a Tuesday, except for the boy, who stopped walking. He looked around and glanced back at Josh, then took up an even more hurried pace down the sidewalk. “What the hell?” Josh muttered, taking one last glance back to the parlor before walking after him. It’s not like anyone came around at this time anyways. 

When he noticed that Josh was walking after him, the boy, now a few blocks ahead, ducked into an alley between two stores. Josh hesitated. He felt like he was bordering on stalker-ish, but on the other hand, he had seen this kid before. At least ten times in the past week. And Josh was really, truly, from the bottom of his heart, bored. 

He rounded the corner and paused when he saw the kid sitting with his back to the wall, knees pulled into his chest. Josh began to wonder why he had followed him, and what he had planned on saying, sitting uncomfortably against the wall across from him. “So…” He said, mentally cringing at the most awkward word in all of human history. “I’m Josh.” There, that was better. That was how normal people had conversations. 

“Hi.” The kid glanced up shyly, quickly looking down again, playing with the strings of his hoodie. 

This kid, Josh thought, was not as well versed on how normal people had conversations. 

“Why do you never come in?” Josh asked, wondering why he had thought this was a good idea. 

“Wh-“ The boy coughed. “What?”

Josh held back the urge to roll his eyes. “What’s your deal?” Oops. That was harsher than he meant. “Do you want a tattoo?”

The boy nodded. 

“Are you 18?” He nodded again, which surprised Josh. He looked younger, but maybe that was just because of his small stature, his big child-like eyes. 

“Do you have money?” Josh was running out of possible reasons. 

“Some.” The kid responded. 

Josh fell silent, and after a few seconds the kid realized it was his turn to talk. “I’m scared of needles.” He admitted. “And people. And tattoos, and people with tattoos.” He stopped, looking awkwardly at Josh for a moment.

“I shouldn’t have said that last one.” He mumbled, and Josh grinned, standing up. He held out a hand to the other boy, who looked at it incredulously. 

“C’mon.” Josh tilted his head. “You’ve already faced one of those. Well, not really, since I pretty much forced you talk to me, but that’s not the point.” The boy stared back blankly. “The point is,” Josh took a dramatic breath. “Baby steps, kid. You’re gonna go with me, right now, and just walk in to the parlor. No tattoos, no needles, literally just step inside.”

“So you, a complete stranger, who followed me into an alley, are telling me I’m going to go back and go inside a secluded place with you? Are you going to kidnap me?” Josh laughed and shook his head. The boy just looked back suspiciously. 

“I don’t have to go.” He said, and Josh shrugged, his hand still outstretched. “Yeah, but you’re going to anyways.”

The kid took his hand, and Josh pulled him to his feet.


	2. swear i was born right in the doorway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to google what tattoo parlors looked like inside. im doin that Diligent research 
> 
> title is from first day of my life... do any of y'all like bright eyes?? i hope so

It was an awkward walk back to the tattoo parlor. The kid eyed the closed sign in the front window, then looked up at Josh. “You closed down the store just so you could follow me?” 

Josh ran a hand through his bright blue hair, laughing nervously. “Okay, well that makes me sound creepy. Truth is, no one’s come in during my shift all week- or last week. We had one person the week before, but I didn’t even get to tattoo him.”

The kid’s lips quirked up. “You’re whining.”

Josh fake pouted. “Am not! I’m just, really bored? Point is, no one else would be here anyways.”

“So I’m _not_ special?” The other boy teased, and Josh grinned. “No, not at all.” 

“Good to know.” The kid smiled shyly, and Josh damn near melted.

Josh held open the door without thinking, adding “After you?” as a joke. The boy snorted. “What a gentleman.” 

He hesitated, then took a small step inside. “Congratulations!” Josh laughed, “Look at that, you did it.” Josh lifted his hand to give him a mock pat on the back. He froze when the boy suddenly flinched, recoiling away from Josh and stepping backwards.

“Oh, uh, sorry.” Josh couldn’t quite describe the look in the kid’s eyes, but he was worried he had messed up. “I was, um, just kidding.” The boy just looked back. 

“I don’t even know you.” He said seriously. 

“Um, okay?” Josh didn’t quite know what to say. He was pissed at himself for scaring the kid, but he had literally just lifted his hand.

“I’m just, I have this weird thing about people touching me. Fuck, I’m sorry.” The boy shook his head and made for the door. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Hey, kid, it’s fine.” Josh tried to be reassuring, but the boy already had one hand on the door handle. 

“Wait!” He called. “You didn’t even tell me your name.” 

The boy was silent for a few seconds, still facing the door, but when he turned back around he was smiling slightly. Josh was now totally lost.

“Bright Eyes?” The boy questioned, and Josh realized the source of his adorable expression, the song that had just come on over the speaker system. 

He laughed, wondering if the boy was making fun of him. “I know, it’s kinda weird, but like I said, no one ever comes in, so I usually play whatever I want. I can- ah, change it, if you wanna stay?”

The boy’s smile grew, and Josh pretended to ignore the tiny dimple that formed. Josh had a thing for dimples. 

“That's my favorite band.” He said. Josh _really_ had a thing for that.

The boy was still hovering in the doorway, but he didn’t look like a scared puppy anymore, so that was an improvement. 

“You know, you don’t actually have to leave..” Josh trailed off, walking around the front counter further into the parlor and sitting down in one of the big leather chairs. The boy just looked at him, unsure of what to do, and Josh sighed, tilting his head back for him to follow. 

The kid eyed the tattoo machine and colorful ink, and Josh laughed at his expression.

"I told you, I'm scared of needles." He mumbled, blushing slightly. "And tattoos." Josh added, grinning. The kid looked up at him and matched his expression. "And people with tattoos." He joked. 

Josh smiled at him, meeting the boy's deep brown eyes. Neither spoke for a second, and at that moment the song switched, to Josh's all-time favorite Bright Eyes song. 

_"This is the first day of my life,"_ the speakers rang out the soft melody. _"Swear I was born right in the doorway..."_

The boy broke eye contact, and Josh watched as his gaze moved down, tracing over the colorful spattering of tattoos across Josh's arms. "Did it hurt?" He asked, and Josh couldn't help but burst out into laughter. 

"What?" The boy looked flustered. "I'm sorry-" Josh said between laughs. "It's just, that sounded so much like that cheesy pickup line!" He looked back at Josh with a blank expression. 

"You know?" Josh elaborated. "Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?"

He blushed deeper. "Well, I, thats not what I meant!" The boy protested. "I'm not trying to, to 'pick you up' or whatever." 

"Sure, kid." Josh teased. "And no, it didn't hurt. That much. It's just like a slow, stinging feeling, plus, I'm good at it." 

The boy's eyes widened. "You mean you tattoo yourself?"

Josh laughed. "I'm not _that_ good. I mean when I tattoo other people, I'm good at it. So it doesn't hurt as much. Or at least thats what they tell me..." He trailed off. "Wanna find out?" 

He stared back at Josh. "Like, right now?" He sputtered. "Like, today? I can't do that!" 

Josh shrugged. "I'm here all week. All year, probably." Speaking of which... "So anyways, what do you do? I'm assuming you don't work in our rival tattoo parlor." Josh joked lamely, but the boy smiled anyways. "Also, are you ever going to tell me your name?"

His lips quirked into a smile. "Probably not. I like to be a man of mystery." Josh raised his eyebrows. "Okay, fine." He said. "It's Tyler." He looked at Josh for a few seconds, before remembering his other questions. "Oh, and I'm uh, in high school, I guess. I'm a senior." 

_Tyler._ Josh mulled the name over in his head. He loved it. "You guess?" He prompted.

Tyler looked down. "I, uh, yeah? I'm in high school."

"Don't most high schools typically have classes at... 11 am on a Tuesday?"

Tyler stared back blankly. "Um, its spring break?" 

_Oops._ Josh had completely forgotten that that was a thing. For the last few years since he graduated high school, he had been working at least 2 jobs at a time, so he guessed he was kind of out of it. 

"Oh, sure," He tried to play it off, teasing, "You kids and all your breaks. See, back in my day-"

"Oh, shut up, Josh." Tyler laughed. Josh decided that was probably his new favorite sound. 

"So," He continued, "Is that why I've been seeing you walk past the parlor like, three times every day? Nothing else to do?" Josh joked.

The other boy's smile dropped.

"Hey, Tyler, I'm kidding." Josh clarified, his voice soft. "It's totally fine. Although," he nudged him, "You can actually come inside now."

And the next day, he did. And Josh didn't even have to chase him down an alley.


	3. knock that down, leave the ground and find some space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> titles is from colours... grouplove is awesome yall
> 
> am i writing this fic so i can talk about all my favorite music? maybe. yes.
> 
> anyways, hope ya enjoy

Josh’s head jerked up when he heard the light chime of the bell as someone opened the door. He totally hadn’t been sleeping. Okay, fine. It was more of a catnap, though. Plus, who the hell was coming to get a tattoo at 9:00 am on a Wednesday? 

“Tyler!” Josh exclaimed, sitting up. The boy was still hovering in the doorway. “Were you- were you sleeping?” He said nervously. “I could come back later. Or just leave you alone. Uh, sorry.” He shook his head. 

“Hey.” Josh grinned, “Relax. Just come hang out. Plus, me? Sleeping, on the job? Who do you think I am?” A grin spread over Tyler’s face as he stepped inside. 

“Yeah, who would do that?” He joked. “Not a professional tattoo artist such as yourself, obviously.” Josh laughed, followed by a few seconds of awkward silence.

Tyler stood in the front of the parlor, biting his lip nervously. “I uh..” He mumbled.

“Tyler.” Josh interrupted. “I’m not gonna bite. You can like, sit down.” He gave him a smile. “Maybe even, relax?” 

Tyler made his way back and settled into the chair next to Josh. The big leather chair for Josh’s clients almost swallowed the smaller boy whole. Well, that was progress. At least he was sitting. Now, maybe, Josh could get him to not look like he was about to get a tooth pulled.

Thinking back to the boy's reaction when he played Bright Eyes yesterday, he had an idea. “Here.” Josh tossed Tyler his phone, “Pick a song. The speakers automatically connect.” After a few seconds, Tyler was grinning as he scrolled through Josh’s iTunes playlist, commenting on almost every song or band he saw.

“I love Grouplove!” He exclaimed a few minutes in, looking up at Josh, and Josh leaned forward. “Favorite song?” He questioned. Talking about music and bands with Tyler was the best conversation he had had in weeks. 

Tyler thought over the question seriously, and his eyes lit up as he landed on an answer. “Colours.” He decided, and pressed play. The upbeat melody filled the parlor. 

_”I am a man, man man man up up in the air.”_

Tyler watched Josh as began tapping out the beat on the table, his fingers mimicking the sounds he would normally be drumming. It was second nature.

 _”And I run around, round round round this down town and act like I don’t care.”_

“Do you play the drums?” Tyler asked, and laughed when Josh nodded. 

“What?” Josh challenged, wanting to know why the kid found that so funny. 

“It’s just-“ He grinned. “You’re just this like, buff guy, with a ton of tattoos, and like, dyed hair, and you play the drums, but you listen to Bright Eyes and Grouplove, and stuff. 

Josh stared back at him, and for a second Tyler worried he had said something wrong. Josh’s lips pulled into a smile. “You think I’m buff?”

Tyler blushed. “That- that wasn’t my point!”

Josh grinned, stretching out his arms and mock-flexing them. “Can you tell I work out?” He teased, and Tyler blushed deeper, shaking his head indignantly. But he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Josh’s arms, just not for the reason he joked about. 

Tyler was mesmerized by the colorful art that covered them. He pointed to the one on his upper right arm. Patterns of orange, blue, green swirls created an entire galaxy, and Tyler was lost in the constellations. “Tell me about that one.” He pointed, and Josh happily obliged. 

He showed Tyler the original picture on his phone, the one it had been based off of. “I got it when I was 18.” Josh told him. “The day I turned 18, actually.” 

Tyler looked at the tattoo, then at him, incredulously. “So you just, what, found a picture you liked, and then got it permanently on your skin. Just like that?” Josh nodded. “Just like that.”

“Why?” Tyler pressed, the idea of doing something so bold and permanent still scaring him. “Because I like space. And earth. And stars.” He simply put. “And,” He added as an afterthought, “It was also an artistic way to really say ‘screw you’ to my parents.” 

Ty looked down. “You don’t like your parents?”

Josh huffed. He wished they could go back to talking about music or tattoos or anything else. “I haven’t spoken to them in, a year and a half now, so yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Oh.” Tyler said quietly. 

“You good?” Josh prompted, not liking the sudden change in the boy. Tyler nodded slowly, his eyes unfocused. 

“Yeah, its just..” He trailed off. “So, how? You just, left?”

“Yeah, few weeks after I turned 18.” Josh was extremely glad Tyler didn’t ask why.

He decided to change the subject. “So kid, your turn. Why do you want one so bad? Oh, and where are you thinking?” 

“I, uhm,” Tyler closed his eyes, then suddenly stood. “I don’t know, um, I have to go.”

“Tyler, hey, wait!” Josh jumped up, following the boy to the front of the parlor. “What just happened?”

“I have to _go_ , Josh. I shouldn’t be here. I’ll, uh, see you later.” Tyler ducked out the door. 

Josh stared out the front windows after him, the bell lightly chiming throughout parlor where he was now alone. He still had a _lot_ to learn about this kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are rad :)


	4. watching through my fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from good grief by bastille- what a rad song
> 
> if you like or listen to any of the bands or songs im including pls talk to me about music in the comments im lonely
> 
> also warning for mentions of self harm and self harm scars... its not too bad or in detail or anything like that but stay safe

Josh ran his hands through his hair anxiously, looking up at the door for the tenth time that hour. His shift ended in forty-five minutes, and he wasn’t sure if Tyler was coming back. Today, or ever. 

One of his favorite songs had just come on shuffle, but he could barely concentrate on the lyrics. _"In my thoughts, you're far away, and you are whistling a melody. Whistling a melody."_ He closed his eyes. _"Crystalizing clear as day. Oh I can picture you so easily. Picture you so easily."_

He had thought over what he had last said a hundred times. He had just asked the kid why he wanted a tattoo, and where he was thinking about getting one. Which, Josh thought, was a pretty normal thing for a tattoo artist to ask someone who wanted a tattoo.

This kid was an enigma. 

An enigma who burst in at exactly twenty minutes to noon, a little before Josh’s shift ended. His hair was soaking wet and disheveled, and Josh realized that sometime in the last half hour it had started raining. “Did you walk here?” was the first thing out of his mouth, although there were a few more pressing issues. Those seemed to be the ones on Tyler’s mind, as he sat down at the table across from Josh.

“Getting a tattoo won’t change anything.” Tyler stated solemnly, looking at Josh as if for an answer, or a challenge.

“Uh, I, what?” Josh was seriously confused, not to mention caught off guard. 

Tyler took a deep breath, looking down and rolling up his sleeve, as if that was an explanation.

It took a few seconds for Josh to process what he was seeing on Tyler’s arm. Tyler didn’t wait that long. 

“I wanted a tattoo here.” he said, pointing, though Josh was already staring at the place. “To cover these, or whatever.” Josh was speechless, and Tyler took the silence and pushed ahead. “But that wouldn’t change anything, right? That wouldn’t _do_ anything and I’m not strong enough to _actually_ do something, like, like how you moved out, or stood up to your parents, but if I got a tattoo what would be the point?” Tyler was rambling, his voice filled with venom. 

“I would just have this stupid fucking tattoo to cover what I did to myself because of _them_ but it’s not like I could stand up to them or do anything about it and I would just be this coward with a secret tattoo that no one knows or cares about because I’m too weak and too afraid to do anything else.” 

Neither one of them spoke for a few seconds.

“Tyler,” Josh’s voice caught, and the other boy shook his head and pushed his sleeve back down. “Don’t, okay? I don’t want your pity. I just wanted a dumb tattoo to cover these.” 

And by _these_ , Tyler meant the three dark pink lines that Josh couldn’t stop staring at. They were littered among other scars, smaller, lighter, haphazardly strewn from his wrist to his elbow. But these three were different. They were perfectly vertical, right between the crook of his elbow and his wrist. There was nothing haphazard about these scars. They were painstakingly deliberate, carved into the softest part of his arm. 

“It doesn’t matter though, right?” Tyler pressed him, and Josh thought carefully before replying.

“It _does_ matter, Tyler.” He said softly, meeting the boy’s anxious brown eyes. “You aren’t weak, you’re the exact opposite. And if you want a tattoo, it doesn’t matter who knows or if anyone cares, because _you_ know, you’ll know what it means and what you need to do.” He paused. “So what do you want it to mean, covering up the scars?” Josh’s voice faltered on the last word, but he didn’t want to press and make the kid run off again.

“That I’m done.” Tyler mumbled, no longer meeting Josh’s eyes.

“Are you?” Josh prompted. He didn’t know a lot about medicine, but it was obvious a few of the smaller marks hadn’t even fully healed yet.

“Maybe? Well, no. But I want to be. But I feel like I need something, something major and symbolic like a stupid tattoo or something and then I’ll be able to be done. I _told_ you, Josh, I’m weak. How pathetic is it that I can’t even do this without something like that? How am I gonna fix anything if I can’t even do this?”

Tyler buried his face in his hands. Josh desperately wanted to wrap his arms around the smaller boy, but remembering his discomfort with being touched, he settled for placing his hand on his forearm, rubbing his thumb across the surface of Tyler's sweatshirt.

“ _God_ , Tyler, you’re not pathetic. You’re strong. No one expects you to do this with nothing. You do anything you need to do.”

“And what about the rest of it?” Tyler lifted his head, eyes blurred with tears. “Nothing else is gonna change. I can’t just _leave_. I’m not as brave as you, Josh."

“Hey, kid, look at me. You’re ten times braver and ten times stronger than anyone.” He lightly squeezed Tyler’s arm. “And listen to me. It’s baby steps, okay? It takes time. Tell yourself you’re done, that no one can make you do that anymore. And then you just keep going from there.”

Tyler wiped his nose with the back of one of his sleeves, leaving the arm Josh was touching where it was. He sniffled, then laughed wryly. “God,” Tyler sighed, “Of all the places to break down, I choose in front of the random boy at the tattoo parlor.”

“Hey,” Josh fake pouted. “I’m not a ‘random boy’. I thought we were best friends.” He joked.

The mood shifted after that, falling back into a playful banter. The whole time, though, under the surface of the lighthearted sarcasm and jokes, Josh couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of Tyler hurting himself again that night. 

Five minutes before noon, when Tyler said he had to leave, Josh voiced that thought, done skirting around the fact that Tyler self-harmed. The boy immediately looked uncomfortable again, shaking his head quickly and mumbling “Idontknow.” 

“Just- wait.” Josh pleaded, looking around the room. “I can’t just, let you go back and- I know you’re not gonna get a tattoo _today_ or anything but, let me just- I have an idea.” 

He grabbed a sharpie, setting it on the table next to Tyler. “Could I- would you be okay if I rolled up your sleeve?”

Ty said nothing, just gave him a tiny nod, his eyes fixed on the floor. Josh took the boy’s arm in his hands and slowly pushed the fabric up, exposing the scars again. He held his arm in one hand, grabbing the sharpie in the other. He took the cap between his teeth, than looked up at Tyler for permission. He nodded again.

Tyler jumped a little when the tip of the marker came in contact with his skin, but kept his eyes trained away from Josh and his arm. Josh truly had no idea what he was doing, but years of sketching designs and tattooing people weren’t for nothing. Instinct took over as he swirled the ink over Tyler’s skin in an intricate design. 

Josh felt himself sinking into the pattern of leaves and petals and vines curling around the harsh lines, taken in by the stark contrast by the pale, soft skin around them. By the time he was done, half of Tyler’s arm was covered. Josh subconsciously ran his fingers over the lines, and Tyler glanced down nervously, the corners of his lips pulling up into a smile. “Sunflowers?” He asked, and Josh smiled back. 

“What can I say? I’m a big fan of wildflowers.” Tyler laughed at this, and stood up to leave. 

“Do you want a ride home?” Josh asked, watching as raindrops streamed down the front windows. 

“Oh, uh, that’s okay.” Tyler shook his head, still smiling to himself at the drawing on his arm as he walked out into the rain. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Josh called after him, though he was already out the door. Tyler turned to face Josh in the window, mouthing something that looked kind of like ‘Okay.’

Josh really hoped he had said ‘Okay.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the comments and kudos!! i hope y'all still like this


	5. clouds always come undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all i saw panic! at the disco and saint motel and misterwives a few nights ago and im… in love with the misterwives lead singer
> 
> title from our own house by misterwives lol im trash

The light drizzle from Thursday had turned overnight into an all out downpour, Josh noted as he looked out at the dismal skies. Normally he would be glad for this kind of weather. It meant he could kick back, watch tv in the back room, probably even take off early, sure in the knowledge that no one in their right mind was walking into the parlor this morning. Not today, though. Today, he was torn between hoping that Tyler would open the door at any second, or hoping that the kid had enough common sense to stay home in the storm. 

Josh tried to hold back a grin when he saw the familiar small figure walking down the sidewalk, taking his time without a care in the world. 

“Not even gonna bother trying to get out of the rain?” Josh greeted as Tyler appeared in the doorway, every inch of him soaked. Tyler smiled, and looked up to the sky. “After the first ten minutes, I figured I couldn’t get any more wet, so why hurry.” He looked so perfect and content standing in the pouring rain, Josh was silent for a moment. 

Then he remembered that it was 40 degrees outside, “How far away do you live?” Josh questioned, pulling the boy inside. Tyler was shivering slightly, and dripping all over, but he gave Josh a halfhearted smile. “Just a few miles. It’s a nice walk.” 

Josh shook his head, incredulous. “Okay, kid. You’re crazy. Let’s get you some dry clothes. I’ve got some stuff in my bag.” Tyler followed him to the back room, stopping when Josh tossed him an old sweatshirt and sweats. He stood looking at the clothes awkwardly for a second before Josh understood. “Uh, is there-can I, um,” Josh stopped him, tilting his head towards the bathroom door. “You can change in there.” He gave him a reassuring grin. The kid got so nervous about everything, Josh really hoped he would start to be more comfortable around him. 

Josh was silent for a few minutes, before lightly knocking on the door, “You good in there?” He called out.

“Yeah,” Tyler said softly, “Just- thanks. For giving me your clothes and stuff. You didn’t have to.” 

The kid sounded so unnecessarily grateful, just for Josh lending him a sweatshirt. “No problem, Ty.” He replied naturally. Josh’s eyes widened when he immediately heard a noise on the other side of the door. He knocked again, more frantically this time. “Tyler? Are you okay?” 

The boy responded a few seconds later. “What did you call me?” He asked, his voice even quieter. 

“Oh, uh, Ty? It’s just a nickname.” Josh panicked, what if the kid hated it? What if his parents called him that or something? “Sorry, I uh, I won’t call you that if you don’t want.”

“No!” Tyler responded quickly. “I mean- no, it’s fine. It’s good. I was just- no one’s ever called me that before. I like it.” He added softly. When Tyler opened the door, his cheeks flushed and looking up at Josh with a shy happiness in his eyes, Josh’s heart tugged. “Hi.” Tyler said, and Josh grinned. “Hi, Ty.” 

_"Seems like yesterday, your eyes crept this way, into my soul you stared, and broke down every fear."_

They were settled in the parlor’s big armchairs, and as Josh took in the music and the boy sitting in front of him wearing his sweatshirt, everything was right with the world. 

Josh couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this content. When ‘Our Own House’ came on shuffle, nothing could get better. Until Tyler perked up, telling Josh how much he loved the song, and they launched into all the reasons they both loved Misterwives. 

_”Built our own house, own house with our hands over our hearts. And we swore on that day, that it will never fall apart."_

“You wanna look through some tattoo books?” Josh asked, but Tyler gave him a wry smile. “I dunno. I kinda like the one I have.”

“Is it still there?” Tyler shook his head. “Well, some of it. It kinda rubbed off last night.” Josh stood, grabbed a sharpie, and pulled up a stool at Tyler’s side. Tyler just looked down as Josh gently picked up his arm and rolled up the loose sleeve, still taking a moment to get over the marks littering the boy’s arm.

Feeling Tyler’s eyes on him, Josh looked up at the boy, trying not to react how we wanted. He wanted to yell, scream, shake the boy, until he learned how someone like him could do that to himself, and then find the people responsible. And beat the shit out of them. Instead, Josh touched the sharpie to the pale skin, not even knowing what he was sketching out until the harsh lines began to take shape. Jagged scars turned to lightning bolts, swirled with thunderclouds and rain. Impulsively, he added a star to the empty space in the middle of the chaos, striking rays into the storm. 

Tyler wasn’t looking at the drawing, only at Josh, at Josh’s hands, holding his own arm, at Josh’s thumb lightly running over his completed drawing, and the old scars underneath it. 

Tyler then turned his attention to the sketch, a contrast to the remnants of sunflowers they now covered. “Rough day?” He remarked, half joking.

“Hardly.” Josh said seriously, and looking at Tyler, he meant it. “It’s still a good thing, see?” He brushed his fingers over the star. “Storms can bring good things, you know.”

Tyler scoffed. “Yeah, like what? Hurricanes?” 

Josh smiled, nudging the kid with his elbow. “No, Ty. Like the fact that this is the latest you’ve ever stayed here, and it’s _probably_ a result of the freaking monsoon that’s coming down outside.” 

Tyler nodded slowly, a soft grin on his face. “Or maybe I just like hanging out with you.” He teased, then suddenly sat up, processing the first part of what Josh had said. “Wait, what time is it?” He asked, and Josh sighed. He shouldn’t have mentioned how long Tyler had stayed. “Ten till noon.” He said reluctantly. “But you don’t have to leave. It’s Friday, which means I’m here all day. C’mon Ty.” He added, “Literally all day. It’s so boring without you.” 

Tyler blushed at this, looking down. “I’ve only come four days, Josh.” He said, but Josh noticed the happiness in his voice. 

“Yeah, but I’m used to it now.” Josh replied, “I never noticed how bored it was around here until you started hanging around. So technically, it’s your fault kid. You owe me.” He joked.

Tyler looked back seriously, and Josh hoped he could tell he had been joking. “I actually have to go, though…” Josh looked crestfallen. “But,” Tyler added, questioning why he said the words, “I could come back after?”

“There we go!” Josh grinned. “What do you have to do anyways? Is there a reason you’re always running off at noon? You’re like Cinderella or something.”

“No, I uh,” Tyler stumbled. “Just have some stuff I gotta to do.” 

“Over spring break?” Josh asked, but then saw how uncomfortable the other boy looked and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. But you’ll come back tonight?”

Tyler hesitated. “Will there be other people here?” 

“Probably not.” Josh knew that wasn’t necessarily true. Sometimes other people showed up on Friday nights, walk-in tattoos or just some of Josh’s coworkers. But he really wanted the kid to come back.

“Alright.” Tyler said slowly. “See you tonight?”

Josh grinned. “Tonight.”


	6. either way, i thought that you should know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tyler is literally me when someone puts their arm around me... or grabs my hand... or looks at me... i'm 16 i promise
> 
> uhhh im glad that y'all are liking this and your comments make me smile, so uhh thank you!!!
> 
> title is from andrew mcmahon in the wilderness fire escape in honor of me seeing them in columbus in two weeks !!

As soon as Tyler walked into the tattoo parlor he regretted it, wishing he could run back out the door, or disappear, or maybe at least _say something._ Four heads turned towards him, eyeing him, sizing him up, and none of them were Josh. 

“Uh.” He opened his mouth, then closed it, his anxiety freezing up his brain. “Is J-Josh, uh,” One of the four, a tall dark haired man, rolled his eyes, calling towards the back, “Hey Josh, your boy’s here!"

Relief flooded Tyler’s veins when a familiar head of blue hair popped out from the back room, and the rest of him followed. Josh glared at the other man, for half a second before smiling at Tyler. 

“Hey, Ty!” He greeted warmly, pulling the boy further into the room. Josh wrapped his arms around the boy's thin shoulders. 

“Everyone, this is Tyler. Tyler, these are the losers I work with here.” He was met with varying levels of ‘hey’s, halfhearted waves, and interested looks. “Be nice.” Josh added, with a pointed look at the dark-haired man, “That means you, Brendon.” who held up his hands in defense. 

Josh casually went and sat in the only unoccupied armchair, right between two of his friends, a girl with bright orange hair and another tall boy with long, straight brown hair. Leaving a little space for Tyler, he tilted his head for the kid to join him, and he did, after hesitating awkwardly for a few seconds. Josh scooted over as much as he could, but Tyler was still pressed into him tightly. Tyler decided that he didn’t mind. 

Tyler noticed one of his favorite songs playing, and knew Josh had to be the one in control of the music right now. 

_"Pocket change and subway cars, our big ideas filled empty bars. You might be from the moon or mars, either way, I'm never going home."_ Tyler would be fine with that.

He was barely listening to the others talk about their (shitty) boss there, or the (fucking awesome) party they went to last weekend, only aware of the closeness of Josh. Josh, as if reading his mind, shifted even closer, leaning back and stretching out his arms. Tyler’s heart was pounding, and he jumped when Josh leaned forwards and whispered in his ear, “I’m not gonna bite, kid.”

Tyler forced himself to lean back until he was touching the back of the chair, but Josh could sense how stiff he was. He naturally put his arm around the other boy’s frame, rubbing his thumb on his opposite shoulder. Tyler had to force himself to breathe, every inch of him consumed by the feeling of Josh’s arm around him.

It didn't help when Josh started lightly singing along to the song. 

_"You're my number one, you're the reason I’m still up at dawn, just to see your face. We'll be going strong, with the vampires, baby. We belong, we belong awake.""_

“Relax.” Josh said under his breath, rubbing circles into his arm that had the opposite effect. Tyler forced himself to take a deep breath and loosen his muscles, sinking back into the chair and and on Josh’s chest. Josh sighed happily, and Tyler decided he could get used to this. 

_"Swinging from the fire escape."_ He hummed under his breath. 

Tyler made it half an hour without having to talk, half-listening to the confusing conversation the others were having. Josh was quiet too, chipping in or interjecting once in a while, but the two boys were equally content where they were. Until their conversation lulled, and all four of the others turned to them, Brendon eyeing Tyler with a curious look that made Josh bristle.

“Cute.” Brendon smirked, and Tyler blushed, every so slightly shifting away. “So, Josh, how’d you meet this one?”

Josh wanted to steer the conversation away from them as soon as possible. “Just, y’know, walked by the parlor a few times, looked curious. I brought him in, and now he keeps me company.” Tyler could feel Josh looking down at him with a grin, and blushed deeper. 

“Gross.” The girl laughed, and Josh rolled his eyes. “Grow up, Ashley.” She grinned back cheerfully, so they knew she was just kidding. “We’re friends.” Josh said firmly, and Brendon’s eyebrows quirked up at this, but he knew when to stop. The conversation steered back towards something that happened between Ashley and a boy who everyone else but Tyler knew, and he settled back into a comfortable silence. 

That was, until the boy sitting next to Tyler pulled out a metal flask. “Let’s get wasted.” He declared, unscrewing the lid and taking the first sip, as Ashley cheered and Brendon replied "Hell yeah!", the first boy wincing at the strong effect. 

Tyler stiffened, but Josh seemed not to notice, laughing with the others and taking a sizeable drink himself. He then felt Tyler’s eyes on him and immediately put the flask down, quickly putting the cap back on and looking flustered. He passed it to Ashley, waiting a few seconds before leaning in and nudging Tyler. 

“You okay?” He asked under his breath. “Sorry about… that, I uh, I don’t usually…. Sorry.” Josh said, knowing he was responsible for the boy’s sudden mood change. 

“It’s fine.” Tyler barely whispered back. “It’s just- I’m weird about that. Drinking.” He clarified, ducking his head down. “I just, I don’t know. I’m sorry, it’s weird.” Josh decided not to press him about it in that moment. “Hey, shhhhh. It’s fine.” He said, lightly squeezing the boy’s shoulder. When the flask came back around, Josh quickly passed it back to Ashley, which caught the other’s attention.

“None for you, Tyler?” Brendon asked, and Tyler stuttered. “Uh, n-no, I’m not uh,” Josh interrupted. “He’s underage.” He offered. “Not looking to get us fired.” 

Ashley raised her eyebrows. “How underage?” Tyler blushed. “I’m 18.” He said defensively. “So you in high school, or what?” Brendon asked and Tyler stiffened. “I uh, yeah. I’m a senior.” He said, and Josh added cheerfully, “He’s on spring break this week.” Brendon shot the other boy a questioning look, but didn’t say anything.

As the group went back to talking, Tyler whispered, “Hey. You’re technically underage too.” 

Josh grinned. “Hush, baby boy.” 

Tyler’s heart skipped a beat, and his breath caught in his chest at _that_ nickname. He looked up at Josh incredulously, who returned his glance with a smug, satisfied one. Tyler could barely breathe for the next few minutes, and Josh was all too glad to be the one who had caused that. Tyler was still thinking it over when, half an hour later, Dallon got up to flip the store sign to ‘closed’. 

“It’s ten.” Josh explained, “So we’re officially off the hook with clients. But we can still hang out here.” He said hopefully.

Tyler’s reaction was the opposite of what Josh had been going for. He sat upright, looking at the clock.

“It’s ten?” He said with disbelief. “I gotta- uh, I gotta get home.” 

He stood up to leave. Josh followed him to the front of the parlor. 

“Uh, bye guys. It was nice meeting you?” He said absentmindedly as he slipped out the door, Josh right behind him. 

“Hey, Ty, wait!” He called, Tyler already halfway down the block. Josh jogged to catch up to him, “I just, are you gonna come tomorrow?”

Tyler looked down shyly. “Look, Josh, I don’t… I’m not like your friends. I mean- I don’t do any of that stuff, I don’t go to parties, I, I’m not like them. I don’t think I’m like you.”

Josh sighed, turning and gently placing his hands on the shorter boy’s arms. “Tyler. I don’t give a damn. Those aren’t my friends, they’re the assholes I hang out with at work. I like _you_.” 

Tyler looked down, his heart beating a million miles per minute at how close Josh was, at Josh’s words, at _Josh_. 

Josh slowly lifted the other boy’s chin with his fingers, making him look up. “I _like_ you.” Josh said, and if his hands hadn’t been steadying his shoulders, Tyler wouldn’t have known how to stand. 

_”Ilikeyoutoo”_ Tyler whispered quickly, and Josh laughed. Tyler looked up quizzically. “Are you drunk?” He asked, dead serious, prompting another laugh from Josh. 

“No, baby boy.” He said, pulling the smaller boy in and lightly kissing his forehead. “Just think you’re really cute.” Tyler kind of wanted to cry. He pulled away abruptly, looking up at Josh with an expression of something like awe. “I, um, I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Tyler said with a shy smile that made Josh melt.

After Tyler absolutely would not let Josh walk him home, Josh walked back into the parlor, a dumb grin on his face that nothing could wipe off. He thought. But as he stepped in the door, he saw the looks on his friends faces and knew something was up. He sighed. “What is it?” He was already annoyed at their questioning the boy. “Too young? Not cool enough because he doesn’t drink vodka? Not edgy enough to hang with us?” 

Ashley looked concerned. “No, not too young, Josh… I don’t… We don’t think he’s in high school.” Josh looked at her incredulously. “He’s lying to you.” She said carefully, and Josh stared at her. “Explain.” He demanded.

She looked at the other two. “Brendon and Dallon both have little brothers at the high school. They say their spring break isn’t for another month.” She put a hand on his arm. “It’s probably not a big deal.” She reasoned, “But, yeah, he is lying. About something."

Josh sat down, trying not to overthink this. So what? Maybe he had graduated. Maybe he had a different spring break than them. But Josh couldn't shake the feeling, there was too much he didn't know about this boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all your kind comments n such they make me happy


	7. dark world aches for a splash of the sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from cough syrup by young the giant
> 
> it makes me ridiculously happy when y'all talk to me about music in the comments or say you listened to a song?? 
> 
> also tyler in the first paragraph was literally me after my first kiss freshman year... i didn't tell anyone about it because i was scared i had just imagined it lmao
> 
> hope ya like it!!

Tyler thought that today might actually be a good day. The entire thirty minute walk home, even while being yelled at by his parents, the entire time he was falling asleep, he was just replaying the night in his head. He started to wonder if he had dreamed it. Josh _liked_ him. Josh had kissed him. Well, kind of. On the forehead. But still. Tyler was so surprised, and, well, _happy_ , he began to doubt if it had really happened. Had he just imagined last night? He really, really hoped it had been real.

He was practically skipping on his way to the tattoo parlor that morning. He didn’t want to be cliché, but the sun was definitely shining brightly through the clouds, and he’d be damned if he didn’t hear some birds chirping. When he pushed open the tattoo parlor door, he didn’t even freak out when he saw two of Josh’s friends sitting around the front counter. 

But he did freak out when Brendon glanced up at him, giving him a dry look, and left him standing there. Tyler froze, looking around anxiously. A few seconds later, Tyler heard a familiar voice from the back room. “Is someone here?” 

Tyler walked back slowly, his heart pounding. He stood in the doorway, “Uh, J-Josh?” 

The other boy barely looked up from where he sat on the old couch they had crammed into the back room, giving Tyler a tight smile. “Hey, Tyler. I um, I have to ask you something.”

Tyler’s stomach dropped, and his chest tightened, looking back at Josh terrified. He took a step backwards, stumbling slightly. “What?” He almost whispered. Josh stood, a guilty expression on his face. “No, Tyler, don’t freak out. Just breathe, okay? Will you come sit down?” 

Tyler’s limbs felt like they were full of lead, but he obliged, sitting down next to Josh, who rubbed his back lightly until Tyler felt like he could breathe again. “What?” He repeated, a little clearer this time. “Do you, do you not like me anymore?” He said quietly.

Josh sighed, moving his hand up to the boy’s cheek, lightly running his thumb over his cheekbone. He took his hand away, and Tyler let out a breath at the loss of contact. “That’s not- _god_ , that’s not even possible, Tyler.” Josh said seriously, but there was a sad tone to his voice. 

“That's- I care about you a lot, which is, that’s why I just,” Josh ran his other hand through his hair, “I really don’t get why you would lie to me.” 

Tyler’s stomach dropped, again. “What?” He barely squeaked out, his voice caught in his throat. 

Josh was obviously getting frustrated. “About being in high school, Tyler. I know that you’re not a senior.” 

“I-I told you Josh. I go to Olentangy. We’re on spring break.” Tyler said slowly, not meeting Josh’s eyes.

“Brendon’s brother goes there, Ty.” Josh said softly. “He says their spring break isn’t for another month. He drove him to school every day last week. Now, are you gonna tell me what’s actually going on?”

Tyler pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his head in them. Josh’s hand returned to rubbing his back, as Tyler tried to breathe enough to calm down and figure out what the hell to tell him. “I'm, J-Josh, I’m so s-sorry.” He managed, the sound muffled. Josh’s hand paused. “For what? Can’t you just tell me the truth?” When Tyler was non responsive for a few seconds, Josh rethought this whole thing. “Just breathe, Ty. It’s fine. It doesn’t matter."

Tyler closed his eyes and took a deep breath, lifting his head. “I _am_ a senior. Kind of.” Josh waited for him to continue. “I just, I just haven’t exactly been going to school for a few days.” 

Josh stared at him, and he looked down, mumbling, “Or weeks.”

Josh sat back, taking a moment to think. “Why? You,” He sighed, “You can’t just cut class, Tyler. What about college?” He reasoned, and Tyler lifted his eyebrows. “Okay, fine, I didn’t go to college,” Josh admitted, “But you have to graduate high school. And you’re smarter than me, kid.” Tyler rolled his eyes. 

“It’s not that.” He explained, suddenly defensive. “I’m not just skipping school, even if that’s what everyone there thinks. No one really expects me to graduate anyways.”

“What are you talking about?” Josh pressed him.

“People there know my parents and stuff. Well, know who they are. We’ve got a nice reputation, the Joseph family. “ He said sarcastically. “The alcoholic mom, the junkie dad, and the kid who tried to kill himself.”

Tyler heard a sharp intake of breath, but didn’t bother looking up. “It was last year.” He said flatly. “Someone saw me in the hospital. The whole school knows.” Josh was still speechless, so Tyler pushed ahead. 

“So when I don’t show up for school half the time, no one’s really surprised.” Tyler almost could _feel_ pity, radiating off of Josh, and he got even more defensive. “And I’m _gonna_ graduate, Josh. I go when I need to, like for my english test on Monday. I’m passing most of my classes. I do some of my homework. And you have no right to judge me.” Tyler said, surprising himself. 

“I’m not, Ty, I promise, but just-“ Josh had no idea what to say, “Why?”

“So I can work.” Tyler dropped his head, seemingly embarrassed. That wasn’t the answer Josh had expected. “You work?” He blurted out. “Where?”

“A fast food place.” Tyler mumbled, still not looking at Josh. “That’s why I skip school. So I can work the afternoon shift and uh, try to make some money. So that I can, I don’t know, try to move out someday. But that’s never gonna happen. I still couldn't do it. It’s stupid.” 

Josh wrapped his arms around the almost crying boy. “Oh god Ty, I’m sorry. It’s okay.” He comforted, Tyler’s head resting in the crook of his neck. “It’s okay. Shhhh.” Josh mumbled into the top of the boy’s head, running his hands up and down the boy’s back. Tyler’s hands found Josh’s waist, pulling himself closer until he was practically sitting in the others lap. “I’m never gonna get out of there.” Tyler mumbled into Josh’s sweatshirt. 

Josh was almost crying himself. “Shhhh.” He moved one of his hands into Tyler’s hair, running his fingers through the short wavy strands. “You will, Tyler. You will. I promise.” 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Tyler being calmed by the feeling of Josh’s hand in his hair, his other hand rubbing soothing circles on his hip. At this point, he was fully in Josh’s lap, and they both wanted to stay like that long after Tyler had stopped crying. He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand, sniffled, and settled back into Josh’s chest, closing his eyes again. 

Josh had never hated Brendon as much as he did when the boy walked in, loudly clearing his throat and looking impatient. Tyler opened his slightly-puffy eyes, and looked up at Josh, too emotionally drained for any other human interaction. “Brendon?” Josh shot him a warning look. Brendon rolled his eyes. “Uh huh, look. Everyone left, and I’m going home too. Which means you gotta be out there.” He told Josh nonchalantly. 

Josh’s arms tightened slightly around Tyler. “It’s, it’s your shift to cover the front?” Josh said, annoyed, but already knowing Brendon was going to leave regardless. “Yeah. Anyways, I’ll see you later.” Typical. 

Josh lightly pressed his lips to the top of Tyler’s head, sighing good-naturedly. “C’mon, baby boy. We’ve gotta move.” Tyler whined when Josh gently pushed him off, but was all too willing to follow when Josh grabbed his hand.

Tyler happily resituated himself in Josh’s lap, Josh’s arms naturally wrapping around his waist again. “I could get used to this.” Josh said, grinning as he voiced exactly what the other boy was thinking. Tyler looked nervously at the front windows, and Josh once again read his thoughts. “No one’s gonna bother us.” He affirmed, taking a hand away for a second to connect his phone to the speakers. 

_”Life’s too short to even care at all, oh oh…”_

“Young the Giant?” Tyler grinned. It was scary how perfect Josh’s taste was.

Instead of answering, Josh looked down and mouthed back with the lyrics, 

_”Losing my mind, losing my mind losing control…_

Tyler rested his head back against Josh’s chest, quietly singing along. 

_”These fishes in the sea, they’re staring at me, oh oh…”_

_”Wet world aches for a beat of a drum, oh oh oh oh…”_

Josh fell silent as Tyler launched into the chorus, unaware of Josh’s intense look. 

_”If I could find away, to see this straight I’d run away, to some fortune that I, should have found, by now…_

“You’re _good_ , Tyler.” Josh said, wondering how he had never heard the boy sing before. Tyler blushed, shaking his head shyly. 

“Sorry, I uh, I don’t normally sing in front of anyone.” 

“But me?” Josh said hopefully, flashing his best puppy dog eyes. How was Tyler supposed to say no to that? 

As Tyler sang along, Josh pulled out a sharpie, rolling up the boy's sleeve again, thinking for a second before he began drawing, starting with a sun in the center, radiating bright patterns and rays. After a few minutes, deciding the design was missing something, he added a moon directly below, intertwining the two with swirling lines. 

The next hour passed way too quickly for either of their liking, and it took every ounce of willpower Tyler had to pull himself off of Josh. It took every ounce of willpower Josh had not to beg Tyler to stay. They still hadn’t actually talked about Tyler skipping school to work, Josh realized as Tyler got ready to leave. 

“Wait,” He said, looking at the other boy seriously. “We’re closed on Sundays, so am I gonna see you tomorrow? And what are we gonna do next week?” Josh was tired of Tyler just running out, not actually knowing when he would be back. 

Tyler blinked. “What about next week?” 

Josh looked at him strangely. “Well, Tyler, you’re obviously not on spring break. You can’t just keep missing school to hang out here.” Josh immediately regretted his words.

Tyler flushed angrily. “I’m not missing school to ‘hang out’, Josh. I miss school so I can have a job and try to get out of my house.” 

“I _know_ , Ty, I didn’t meant that. But you have to finish high school. You can’t drop out.”

Tyler moved for the door. “You can’t tell me what to do, Josh. And I’m not dropping out. I _told_ you. I’m going in on Monday for a test, I’m passing my classes, and it’s none of your business.”

Josh walked in front of him, standing in front of the door. “It sure as hell is my business. I care about you, Tyler. And if you’re ruining your future so that you can move out, you can live with me, or something. We’ll figure it out.”

Tyler flushed. “That’s not the point, Josh. I can’t just rely on people. I can’t be dependent on anyone.” Tyler was more mad than Josh had ever seen him.

Josh looked at him seriously. “You’re gonna have to trust someone, sometime, kid. Not everyone’s like your parents.” Tyler stared back. 

“Look, I’m sorry, but it’s true.” Josh probably shouldn’t have said that. “You can’t do all of this alone.”

Tyler scoffed. “I don’t have a choice. I’m just being realistic.” He said dryly. 

“You’re just being _blind!_ ” Josh yelled, eyes going wide and immediately rushing to apologize, but Tyler was already out the door.

“God, I didn’t mean to yell, Tyler, please, I’m sorry.” Josh called after him, following him out the door, but was stopped dead on the sidewalk when he heard an angry voice behind him. 

“Josh? Where are you running off to?” He whirled around to face his boss, cursing himself. Of course Pete would show up today, at this exact second. 

“I uh,” Josh fumbled for an excuse, “That was a client who, uh, forgot his jacket?” He said weakly, looking back to see that Tyler was already gone. Also, Josh wasn’t even holding a jacket. 

“Don’t bullshit me, Josh.” Pete said, holding the door open and waiting for Josh to go inside. “If I ever come back and you’re not here, you’re fired. I can’t have an empty shop. Fair?”

Josh nodded miserably, but at that moment he wouldn’t really care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter tomorrow??


	8. you got big plans and you gotta move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from ophelia by the lumineers
> 
> when yall comment about the songs i put in here or music in general its my favorite thing ever :') please keep doin that
> 
> (also I know Tyler's birthday irl is december 1st but just go with it)
> 
> hope ya like it!!

Josh looked around the parking lot anxiously, wondering for the hundredth time what the hell he was doing there. This was a little bit too stalker-ish for his liking, but he didn't know what else to do. Plus, the first time they had meet _was_ after Josh followed Tyler into an alley, so maybe waiting for him after school wasn’t that bad. This was the only thing he could think of.

He had felt terrible the last two days, already missing Tyler’s company, and thinking about the possibility of never seeing him again made Josh’s heart hurt. So desperate times, desperate measures, or at least that’s what Josh told himself as the bell rang and teenagers began spilling out of the high school. 

He leaned against his car, trying to appear casual and not at all like a creepy dude twenty year old hanging out in a school parking lot (which he was). He craned his neck, desperately trying to spot Tyler in the sea of students, which wasn’t easy considering how small the kid was. 

Josh was ready to give up and go home, when he saw the short, thin frame of a boy with a ducked head obscured by a too-big grey hoodie, walking hurriedly away from the school. “Tyler!” Josh yelled, before he could think better of it. The boy paused for a second, then looked around in confusion, his face still half-hidden. 

“Tyler.” Josh called out again, and this time Tyler saw him, his face full of surprise. He walked over to him slowly, surrounded by loud, obnoxious high schoolers, shouting and messing around as school let out for the day.

“What are you doing here?” Tyler said quietly, and Josh honestly didn’t know the answer.

“I didn’t know if you were ever gonna come back.”, was the closest thing he had.

He looked at Tyler for a few moments, trying to figure out if the boy was angry with him, or scared, or both.

“I just-“ Josh offered lamely, “You told me you were going to school today, and I didn’t know when I would ever see you again. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have just showed up here. But I had to talk to you.” 

Tyler looked at him, unfazed. “So talk.” He said, and Josh blinked, surprised. “I, well uh, right here?” 

Tyler looked around, remembering the hundreds of other people that were filling the parking lot around them.

Josh read his mind, and opened the car door, pausing to make sure Tyler was fine with that. The other boy nodded, hesitantly opening the passenger side door. He awkwardly slid into the seat, all too aware that he was in _Josh’s car_ right now. Something about that made everything seem a little too real for Tyler. 

This wasn’t just hanging out at the tattoo parlor anymore. Josh had showed up at his school to talk to him, waited for who knows how long. And now he was in Josh’s car, because Josh needed to talk. Tyler couldn’t keep pretending that this, whatever it was, didn’t exist. Josh started the car, looking at Tyler expectantly. 

“Seatbelt?” He prompted, shaking Tyler out of his thoughts. “Are we planning on going somewhere?” He said, somewhat sarcastically.

Josh sighed, knowing Tyler was going to be stubborn about this. “Do you really wanna talk right here?” He said, referencing all of the other teenagers weaving around their car just inches away. “Fine.” Tyler said quietly, and Josh said nothing, just slowly reversed out of the parking lot. 

“Where are we going?” Tyler asked after a few minutes, and Josh turned, looking down at him. “I don’t know, Ty.”

He really just wanted somewhere quiet they could talk. “Where do you want to go?”

Tyler was silent for a second, before snorting and laughing quietly to himself. Josh looked at him, completely lost. 

“It’s just- I almost just said ‘home’.” He huffed, “Like, that’s what you say in most cases, when a guy drives away with you in his car, and asks you where you want to go, right? Home?” Josh looked back at him blankly. “Where do I have to go, Josh? _Where?_ What am I supposed to say to that?” 

Josh couldn’t tell if Tyler was laughing or crying, and decided he couldn’t handle it any more. He swerved into the nearest pull-in, an empty parking lot behind an old movie store. Josh put the car in park, not bothering to check if he was in an actual spot. He looked at Tyler until the other boy met his gaze, lips quirking up into another dry smile. “Is this the abandoned parking lot where you murder me?” 

Josh wasn’t laughing. “You’re moving out, Tyler.” Josh said firmly. “I’m sorry for being an asshole on Saturday, but it’s only because I care _so goddamn_ much about you, and I can’t just sit by while this is happening.” Tyler said nothing. “You can move in with me, or, or if you’re not comfortable with that, you can find somewhere else, and I’ll help you pay, or something. Just, _please_ , let me help, Ty.”

Tyler so desperately wanted to cave in, to burst into tears and Josh would hug him and tell him everything would be okay. Tyler could live happily with Josh, never have to talk to his parents again, never have to go back to that shitty job with an awful boss.

But he had learned the hard way. He couldn’t trust people. His mom used to hug him, too, and tell him everything would be okay when he cried. And look how that had turned out. Tyler reasoned with himself, telling himself he didn’t really know Josh, convincing himself that he couldn’t trust him, or anyone else. Tyler tried, tried so damn hard, but deep inside he wanted to believe that Josh was different.

As much as he couldn’t fully trust Josh, he couldn’t stay away, either. The past two days had been miserable for him, too, and he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t been relieved to see Josh standing in the parking lot. Tyler fought with himself, while Josh waited patiently, content just being with the boy for the time being. 

“I can’t just move in with you, Josh.” He reasoned slowly, hoping Josh wouldn’t be mad. “I just- I don’t even know you that well, I can’t just let myself-“ Tyler put his head in his hands, and Josh tried not to be hurt by that, rubbing up and down Tyler’s back. “Okay, okay, I understand.” Josh said, even though he didn’t. “You don’t have to live with me, but, you can’t just stay there.”

Tyler tried to think of something, anything, that would make Josh stop pushing this, and buy him some time. “It’s not that bad lately.” He lied. “I’m- I’m out of the house most of the time with work, and, uh, school,” He added. “I’ve lived there all my life, Josh. And if I could just make it a few more weeks, and then work over spring break, I promise, I’ll have enough money to actually move out.” Josh looked away. 

“I can’t- I can’t just live with you because you feel sorry for me.” Tyler continued. “Trust me, that’ll stop once you actually know me. And what happens when you stop liking me?” Tyler said quietly. “What then?”

Josh’s chest ached. He didn’t even know where to start. He didn’t want to keep trying to force Tyler to do something he didn’t want, so he settled for a simple, “That’s never going to happen. I promise.” Tyler had no response.

Josh was worried he was going to push the boy away again, and he desperately wanted to avoid a repeat of Saturday. It was Tyler’s life, after all. “You promise you’ll move out in a few weeks?” Tyler nodded, looking up at Josh.

“But Tyler, _please_ , you have to go to school. If you’re missing class to work, I’ll help you, I’ll pay your deposit wherever you want to live, but you have to graduate high school.” Tyler looked down and said nothing, but this time Josh sat back and waited for a response.

“Okay.” Tyler said, his voice tiny and soft.

“You promise you’ll be fine for a few more weeks?”

Tyler laughed dryly. “I’ve lived there for seventeen years, Josh. I think I can make it.” Tyler froze, realizing what he had said. 

Josh almost didn’t catch it. “Wait, you’re seventeen?”

Tyler’s stomach dropped. “I’m sorry, _shit_ , I’m sorry it’s just you asked me if I was eighteen cause I wanted a tattoo so I said yes and I’m sorry Josh but my birthday’s in a week so I just thought that it wouldn’t matter and-“ Tyler was freaking out, stumbling over his words, just trying to justify his lie.

“Hey, hey, _breathe_ , Tyler. I’m not mad.” Josh interrupted, leaning over the console to press a hand to Tyler’s cheek. Tyler closed his eyes as Josh lightly ran his thumb across his cheekbone, and dared to ask, “So you don’t hate me?"

Josh laughed quietly. “Are you kidding, kid? The opposite.” 

Tyler naturally moved his face closer, leaning into Josh’s touch. “Just a little disappointed, is all.” Josh added, “Cause it means I have to wait a whole week to kiss you.” 

Tyler’s eyes opened immediately, staring up at Josh in disbelief. Their faces were just inches apart now, and Tyler could barely think. “Wh-uh, wh- no you don’t!” He said indignantly, his heart racing. Josh smiled. “I don’t wanna be that kind of guy.” He said, smiling at Tyler’s expression.

“Plus,” He added, leaning in closer, Tyler’s breath catching as Josh’s eyes locked on his, and Josh’s lips brushed his cheek. “I’m not gonna kiss you for the first time in a parking lot behind the old video store.” He whispered.

Josh pulled away, leaving Tyler to wonder _what the hell just happened_ as he tried to regain control of his mind. And his breathing. And every nerve in his body that was screaming because _Josh had just almostkissedhim._

Neither spoke for the next few minutes, Josh smugly content and Tyler childishly pouting. The radio filled the silence, both of them happily recognizing the song (though Tyler wasn’t about to show it.)

_"Ah, ah, when I was younger, ah, ah, should have known better  
And I can't feel no remorse, and you don't feel nothing back."_

Josh broke the silence. “So… when exactly _is_ your birthday?” and Tyler shoved him in mock anger. “Hey!” Josh teased, “Don’t be like that. I’m just following the rules.” He grinned. Tyler wasn’t having any of it.

“It’s Saturday.” He replied unhappily, “And here are no _rules_ , Josh. I’m not a kid. You’re what, two and a half years older?”

“Actually, closer to two. I turned twenty about a month ago.” Josh chuckled. 

“That’s not fair.” Tyler protested, “You can’t just, just- do _that_ and then not kiss me!” 

Josh was so damn enamored with this kid. “It’ll be your birthday present, baby boy.”

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t call me that if you’re not gonna kiss me.” He mumbled, and Josh couldn’t help smiling.

_"Ah, Ah, got a new girlfriend, he feels like he's on top  
And I don't feel no remorse, and you can't see past my blinders."_

He turned the radio down for a second, realizing he actually had no idea where he was driving. “Hey, Ty.” He nudged the boy, being serious for a second. “Where do you wanna go?” Remembering Tyler’s last reaction to that question, he quickly rephrased. “You hungry?” 

“Always.” Tyler replied, and Josh couldn’t tell if he was joking. 

Either way, ten minutes later they ended up in line at Chipotle, Tyler looking around anxiously as if his parents were going to appear from behind the counter. As Josh paid for their food, he realized something, laughing to himself as Tyler looked at him for explanation. 

“This isn’t- this doesn’t count as our first date, okay Tyler?” He shook his head. “I am _not_ taking you to Chipotle as our first date.” Josh stated firmly.

Tyler smiled. “If it’s not a date, Josh, you probably shouldn’t be holding my hand.”

“Touché.” Josh said. He didn’t let go of Tyler’s hand.

They hung around as late as possible, until Tyler said he should probably be getting back. As Josh drove him home, he decided to venture into unknown territory, trying to learn anything about Tyler’s parents without making him upset.

“So,” Josh asked casually, turning down the radio, “Do you have a curfew or anything? Or do your parents just notice if you don’t come home?”

Josh felt the change in Tyler, and immediately regretted asking, but he couldn't tiptoe around it forever. “They don’t notice I’m there half the time.” Tyler said quietly. “My mom’s not home most nights, and my dad’s sometimes too out of it to care, but he comes in my room sometimes.” Tyler swallowed. “If he’s mad about something, or whatever, and if I wasn’t there…” He trailed off. “They don’t actually care where I am or what I’m doing, they just like having a reason to be mad at me.” 

“Tyler-“ Josh started, but the boy shook his head. 

“We have a deal, Josh. It’s just a few more weeks, and then I’m moving out.”

“And?” Josh prompted, and Tyler sighed.

“ _And_ , I’ll go to school. As much as I can.” That was good enough for Josh. 

“Can I drive you again tomorrow?” Josh asked, not wanting to go days without seeing him again, but Tyler shook his head. “I uh, I have to work after school still.” Josh lifted his eyebrows. “Well, can I give you a ride to work?” Tyler shook his head again, and Josh waited for a reason. “I can walk. If someone saw me getting into your car and my parents somehow heard, well… like I said, just a reason to be mad at me.”

“Speaking of which, uh, it would be best if you could just let me out here.” Tyler said nervously, and Josh looked around. They were on a main street, with rows of houses branching off every half-mile or so. “They can’t know."

Josh sighed, but pulled over and stopped the car. He didn’t like the thought of Tyler walking in the dark alone, but again, didn’t want to push him. He _really_ didn’t like the thought of not seeing him the rest of this week, but he was the one who made Tyler promise to actually go to school. It was worth sitting through the boring shifts at the tattoo parlor and going a few days without seeing him. 

“Friday.” Josh stated, “After work. I’ll pick you up.” Tyler nodded, and Josh smiled with relief. “Where do you work?” He asked, and Tyler hesitated. “I’ll just, uh, meet you at the tattoo parlor.” He said, ignoring Josh’s protests. “It’s like a ten minute walk. Seriously. I like the fresh air.”

Josh reluctantly agreed, “Fine. Friday.” At least he actually knew when he could see the boy again. At this point, that was good enough for him, especially when Tyler looked up at him with a shy smile. “It’s a date.” 

Yeah. He could wait a few days for that.


	9. light in darkness will show you the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys sorry this chapter was kinda late but there was some stuff w myparents so if im not as active its cause i hve to deal w that but im still writing when i can!
> 
> i love writing this and im so glad that all you lovely people like it too so thank you all so much
> 
> title is from cold war kids- love is mystical

By Thursday, Josh had come to the realization that he had _really_ overestimated how long he could be away from Tyler. To make matters worse, the kid’s parents refused to let him have a cell phone, and it wasn't like Tyler was looking to spend any extra money, so Josh couldn’t even talk to him. Josh sighed. Maybe that would make a good birthday present?

He didn’t know how he had made it through these morning shifts before the kid came along. The only people who had come in this week were some annoying local college kids, who probably would’ve been Josh’s classmates, and none of them even ended up getting a tattoo. It was the result of an idiotic bet, typical drunk college material, but the losing side ended up backing out, fighting with their friends before walking out the door without as much as a glance at Josh. 

He spent the next two hours absentmindedly flipping through the songs on his phone, watching the X-files in the back room, and maybe sleeping a little bit. He didn’t even care when Brendon came in twenty minutes late to take over for him, because there really wasn’t anything else to do. 

“Hey man.” Brendon greeted, making small talk as he settled in and Josh started to get ready to leave. He was telling Josh about his and Dallon’s upcoming plans for their week off, namely, going to Florida and getting wasted like every other college kid. They had asked Josh if he wanted to go, but he got enough of the two shamelessly flirting just at work, thank you very much. Plus, getting blindly drunk and hooking up with strangers wasn’t really his forte anymore. He had someone else to consider now.

On the short drive back to his apartment from the tattoo parlor, all Josh wanted to do was drive to the school and see his Tyler. Though truthfully, he had brought this on himself, and he was sticking to his position. Josh might not be an intellectual college student, but he knew the kid had to at least graduate high school. Still, a huge part of him wanted nothing but for Tyler to be by his side all day. 

His stomach grumbled, and, faced with the prospect of trying to scrape together a meal with the food in his apartment, Josh made a split second decision and turned the car. It must've his lucky day, as there wasn’t a single other person in line at the Taco Bell drive-through. Josh pulled around, not even needing to look at the menu. “Hi, welcome to Taco Bell, what can I get for you?” A jumbled voice said through the speaker. 

“I’ll have a-“ Josh froze, taking a second to process something. He knew that voice. That was the voice he had been thinking about all week, the voice that played in his head every minute, the voice he heard singing along to every song he listened to. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” Tyler said, his voice tired and wary. 

“Tyler?” Josh asked, though he already knew it was him. He could probably pick the boy's voice out of a screaming crowd. He heard a crash from the other end, and a string of words sounding vaguely like _“Shitshitshit.”_ Josh waited a few seconds, and the speaker switched back on. This time it was a female voice, sounding confused and somewhat annoyed, “Uh, sorry about that. What can I get for you?” 

Josh rolled his eyes. “Tell Tyler I’m coming in.” He said, driving through and parking the car. 

As he walked inside, he saw Tyler’s mess of brown fluff hide under the register, a bewildered-looking blonde girl taking his place. There were a few other people inside, but Josh didn’t pay them any attention as he walked up. “Hi, I’m Jenna, welcome to Taco Bell!” She said brightly, looking at him with interest. “What can I get for you?” She repeated, knowing exactly why he was there. 

“Tyler.” Josh said, “You can get me Tyler.” She looked back unsurprised, leaning across and asking with a low voice, “Are you Josh?”

Josh smiled- he hadn’t expected the boy to tell anyone about him. He laughed when Jenna grunted in pain, knowing Tyler was sitting at her feet and had probably just pinched her or something. “Yeah.” He nodded, “Can you, uh,” He tilted his head at the counter. Jenna understood what he was asking, reaching down and suddenly pulling the kid to his feet, where he stared at Josh like a deer in headlights. 

“Sorry, Tyler.” She said good-naturedly, walking back to the drive through window. “But you gotta talk to him. Also, you didn’t mention he was that _cute_!” She stage whispered. 

Tyler was still staring at Josh, unable to think of something to say. Josh didn’t care. “C’mon, Tyler.” He walked around the counter, gently placing his hands on the boy’s arms. “I’m taking you to school.” Josh said softly, and Tyler shook his head. “You-“ He hesitated, still caught off guard and overwhelmed. “Josh- they’ll fire me.”

“I know, Ty. You can’t keep doing this. You know that.” Tyler tried to protest, shaking Josh off and taking a step back. “You can’t tell me what to do, Josh. You can’t make me quit my job.” Josh sighed. “No, but I can tell the manager that you’re a high school kid. I bet they don’t condone cutting class.” Tyler stared back at him, looking betrayed, and Josh felt a wave of guilt. 

“I can’t just stand by and watch you ruin your future because you have terrible parents. It’s not fair to you." Josh softened his tone. "You’re seventeen, Ty. You should be worrying about homework and quizzes and stupid high school stuff, not about a place to live.” Tears started to prick Tyler’s eyes. “Let me _in_ , Ty. Please, let me help. I would do anything for you.”

Tyler was crying now, and the few other people in the place were staring. Josh wrapped his arm around the boy’s waist and slowly led him out, after looking back and getting a nod from Jenna. ‘Thank you’, Josh mouthed, and she gave him a thumbs up. "Shhh. C'mon, Ty." He tried to comfort him.

When they got outside, Josh leaned against the brick wall and took both of Tyler’s hands, looking at him seriously. “We’ll figure this out, okay? You’re not alone in this anymore.”

Tyler blinked, spilling tears down his cheeks, and he wiped off with the back of his sleeve. “What am I gonna do?” 

Josh pulled Tyler into his chest. “You don’t worry about that. You’re gonna go to school like every other teenager, and graduate, and we can take it from there. We just need to get through these next few months.” Tyler sniffled. “And I know you don’t want to move in with me, but I could take the couch and you would take my room, or something, or I'll help you find somewhere else. We’ll figure it out.”

Tyler nodded, resting his face in the crook of Josh’s shoulder. They stood like that for a few moments, breathing in together, Josh rubbing circles into Tyler’s lower back. “Josh?” Tyler looked up hesitantly.

“Yes, baby?”

Tyler blushed, but still looked nervous. “I just- _please don’t make me go to school today._ ” He mumbled, watching Josh to see his reaction. “I know I have to and I’ll go tomorrow but it’s just too much right now and I don’t want to see anyone and I just-“ He paused, looking up at Josh shyly in a way that made him just _melt_ , and Josh knew he would say yes to anything the kid asked. “Can I just stay with you today?” Tyler looked at the ground.

Josh grinned, lightly kissing the boy’s forehead and lacing their hands together, pulling him towards the car. “Of course, baby boy.” He didn’t even need to look at Tyler to know he was blushing. Josh absolutely loved that about him, the way his cheeks turned pink at a single word, or look, or touch. His boy was adorable. 

Once they were both buckled in the car, Josh flipped on his music, secretly hoping Tyler would recognize the song and sing along. He did. 

_”And when my heart won’t break, an empty space between my lungs,”_ He began quietly, and Josh reached for his hand across the middle.

 _”But I can’t see behind the sun, I can’t see behind the sun, a supernatural plan is coming to meet me now."_ Josh was once again struck by the boy’s voice, slightly scratchy and lilting and all around perfect. 

Tyler looked up at Josh during the next part, and Josh decided that driving with Tyler was probably a safety hazard, since all he wanted to do was get swept up in his deep brown eyes, and never look away from his face.

 _"Love is mystical, love will break the chains. You might feel invincible, and you might be afraid."_ The only thing Josh was afraid of was that he was in too deep, but it was a feeling he never wanted to lose.

If it was up to Josh, he would keep driving forever, as long as the boy was signing, but he had to make a quick stop. Tyler was getting swept up in the music like he always did, and Josh laughed at the boy’s pouting when he paused it. They were pulled up in front of his apartment, and Tyler gave him a quizzical look. “Where are we going?” 

“Anywhere you want, kid.” Josh said, jokingly ruffling his honey-brown hair, which made Tyler grin.

“First, I just gotta stop by my place, maybe change real quick, and grab my wallet.” Josh said, getting out of the car. “You coming?” He said after walking around to the passenger side. Tyler scrambled out. “Uh, inside your apartment?” 

“Yeah?” Josh laughed, and held the door open, starting up the stairs, Tyler following him hesitantly.

After two flights, he was looking at Josh incredulously. “You have to do this every day?” Tyler asked. Josh flashed him a grin. “Why do you think I’m so buff?” He joked, and Tyler rolled his eyes. “Tired, baby boy?” Josh teased.

Tyler shot him an indecipherable look. “Not when you call me that.” He said, tromping up the next flight of stairs. A minute later he was breathless again, giving Josh an annoyed look. “Okay, fine. It’s not my fault your dumb apartment’s on the thousandth floor.” Josh laughed, “We’re almost there.” He promised.

And they were, one flight later, but Tyler hesitated when Josh stepped inside. Josh gave him a questioning look, and Tyler smiled shyly. “This is, this is your apartment. Just- wow.”  
Josh realized when he looked around that he probably should’ve cleaned up, especially if he was asking Tyler to move in. 

“It’s kind of messy, but I can, here, let me move this stuff, and I’ll-“

“Josh.” Tyler quieted him. “It’s fine. It’s perfect.” 

Josh nervously showed him their small kitchen, the messy table of papers and books and maybe a few dishes. “I uh, it’s not usually this messy.” Josh defended, and this time Tyler shushed him by slipping his hand in Josh’s, squeezing it lightly. Josh smiled to himself, leading him into the small room with the TV and old couch, before finally showing Tyler his own room, relieved to see it wasn’t as messy as it sometimes got, and there was nothing embarrassing or weird that he had forgotten about. He hoped. 

Josh looked at Tyler, who was taking it all in, a content expression on his face. “It’s so, _you_.” He said, looking at the records strewn about, the posters on the wall, his eyes catching on the old drum set shoved into the corner. “You _have_ to play for me sometime!” Tyler exclaimed, sitting down on the edge of his bed expectantly. Something about seeing the world’s cutest boy, in _his_ room, on _his_ bed, made Josh’s breath catch in his throat as he wondered how he had gotten so lucky. 

Josh forced himself to look away, reminding himself that the kid was still only seventeen. He started rummaging through his drawers, looking for something to change into instead of the mid-sleeve t-shirt he had to wear at the tattoo parlor. He grabbed a tank top, turning around after feeling Tyler’s eyes on his back.

“Are you gonna take your shirt off in front of me?” The boy quipped, and Josh grinned. “Only if you want me to.”

Tyler said nothing, just took a sharp breath in as Josh pulled his shirt off. He took his time putting on the tank, basking in the look on Tyler’s face. “Like what you see?” He joked, but Tyler couldn’t form a single word. He couldn’t even form a coherent thought, other than _holyshit_ , he was in Josh’s apartment in Josh’s room and Josh was _shirtless_. Josh raised his eyebrows. “I-“ Tyler managed. “Wow.”

“Told you I was buff.” Josh kidded, but Tyler couldn’t even manage to roll his eyes. They were too busy taking in every inch of Josh’s tan chest, his perfect stomach, every ridge of his freckled shoulders and his muscled arms. Josh jokingly tossed the t-shirt at him, pulling on the tank top. “C’mon, kid.” He was starting to blush. That was Tyler’s job. 

He pulled Tyler to his feet and moved for the door, but the kid didn’t move, just looking around. “Hey, you okay?” Josh shifted tones immediately, and Tyler nodded. 

“Everything’s just so, perfect, and so _you_ , and it’s… It’s your _home_ , Josh.” Josh’s heart tugged. The kid deserved that and so much more. All Josh wanted to do was give him that simple thing that every human on earth deserved, but Tyler more than anyone: a home, a safe home with people who loved him and cared about him. Tyler just had to let him.

Josh pulled the boy into a tight hug. “It can be yours, too, Tyler. I want nothing more than for it to be your home too.”

“Don’t you make me cry again, Josh Dun.” Tyler mumbled into his chest, melting with the feeling of Josh's arms wrapped tightly around him. “M' serious.”

"Okay." Josh laughed, beginning to pull away, but Tyler whined, moving into him again. “I don't wanna leave.” He said, and whether he was talking about leaving Josh's grip or the apartment itself, Josh wasn’t about to say no. In a single motion, he leaned down and hooked an arm under the kid’s knees, lifting and carrying him the ten feet to the couch, sitting down with Tyler now on his lap. Josh reattached his arms around his waist and buried his face in his soft hair. “You don’t have to, baby.”

And he didn’t. Not for the next six hours at least. They more or less stayed where they were on that couch, pressed together and curled around each other, as they watched whatever was on TV. Not that either of them were paying it much attention. Josh held Tyler’s hand, running his thumb over his fingers and occasionally bringing their hands up so that Josh could kiss each one of Tyler’s knuckles, making the boy hide his face and nuzzle into him. His other hand moved around, from playing with Tyler’s fluffy brown locks, wrapped around his small waist, rubbing circles into his hip. 

Tyler’s favorite, though, has when Josh lightly placed his hand on his thigh, absentmindedly running his fingers back and forth. Tyler decided he could stay like this for the rest of his life, and that would be perfectly fine. Josh had even made him popcorn, which he was never allowed to have at home, which, as dumb is it sounded, almost made him cry. Tyler had no idea how he had gotten so lucky. It was as if everything bad in his life, everything that had ever happened to him, was being made up for in the form of the boy from the tattoo parlor. In the form of Joshua William Dun.

By the time Tyler had to leave, once again insisting on walking home by himself, they had agreed on a basic plan, Josh not wanting to leave anything up in the air. Tyler would finish out the week, basically one more day, at his house, and on Saturday, which happened to be his 18th birthday, he would pack up what he could and leave. They just had to wait two days, and Tyler would be out of there, safe and happy and _home_ with Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants to come to ohio n make popcorn n watch dumb tv shows stop on by.. and i hope you are all havin good days


	10. somebody catch my breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this made me really sad
> 
> tw for self harm and parental abuse 
> 
> title is from goner

For the first time in the past two weeks, Josh thought things might finally be going alright. His roommate, Colin, got home about an hour after Tyler left, and in that time Josh cleaned the apartment as best he could, even making dinner for the two of them. Okay, by dinner, he meant putting a frozen pizza in the oven, but still. Josh was doing _anything_ he could think of to put Colin in a good mood before asking him about the kid moving in. And as Josh expected, he didn’t put up too much of a fight. All Josh did was vaguely reference the boy’s bad home life, and Colin sighed, rolling his eyes as he gave in. “Fine. But he’s not getting my room.” 

Josh just had to get through the day, knowing that tomorrow Tyler would finally, finally be out of there, and safe with him. He wasn’t even going to _think_ about the fact that Tyler would actually be living in his apartment, around him constantly, and whether or not it would be as his roommate, or his boyfriend. He didn’t know what Tyler was comfortable with, and didn’t want to put any more pressure on the kid than he already had. The first step was to get Tyler out of that house. Whatever came next, they could work it out. 

Josh was still smiling to himself when Brendon walked into the tattoo parlor, sparking a line of interrogation. “Someone’s happy today. What, did you finally kiss that boy?” Josh swatted him in the chest, the grin not leaving his face. “God, Bren. No.” 

The other man mock frowned. “Why not? He’s gay, isn’t he? Who wouldn’t be gay for Josh Dun?” Josh rolled his eyes, but also realizing for the first time that _he had no idea_ what Tyler was. He had never outright told him, but considering the way he responded when Josh touched him, or called him baby, or almost-kissed him, Josh could assume he was at least into guys. 

“So what _is_ the problem?” Brendon prompted, shaking Josh out of his thoughts. Josh didn’t quite know how to explain it. 

“I just- I don’t want to rush him into anything, y’know?” Brendon raised his eyebrows, and Josh didn’t know how to make everyone else see the innocent angel that was his Tyler, the one Josh wanted to kiss until he was breathless but make sure no one ever touches him at the same time. “Also, he's seventeen until tomorrow.” Josh settled for.

Brendon whistled. “Wow, never took you for a cradle robber.” He said sarcastially.

“Exactly. I’m not.” Josh asserted, completely serious. “That’s why I’m waiting.” 

“Any special plans?” Brendon questioned, and Josh realized he didn’t really know.

“He’s actually moving in tomorrow.” Josh confessed. Brendon knew some of the situation, from snippets of conversation with Josh, and from what his brother had heard at the high school. “Doesn’t that usually happen after the first kiss?” Brendon joked anyways, earning himself another swat from Josh. 

“We’re gonna figure it out.” He affirmed, more for himself than for Brendon as he got ready to leave. “Oh, by the way,” Josh remembered, “Is a phone a dumb birthday present?”

Brendon looked at him incredulously. “What seventeen year old doesn’t have a phone?” He shook his head, figuring it out himself. “How much is that gonna be?” He asked instead. 

Josh shrugged. “It’s worth it. I don’t like not being able to talk to him when he’s not here.”

Brendon’s face split into a grin. “Joshua’s in _love!_ ” He crowed, and Josh walked out the door, rolling his eyes and calling out a goodbye, hiding the blush on his cheeks. Because Brendon was right. He was a goner.

He had a list of things to do before Tyler left his house tomorrow, and pretty much all of them involved spending money. First things first was getting an air mattress, since Josh was hell-bent on Tyler taking his bed, but knew the boy would refuse if it meant Josh sleeping on the couch. He decided an air mattress would be a normal, adult thing to have, that every apartment needed one, in case they ever had guests or something like that. Not that they ever did, but that’s how Josh was going to justify it. In reality, he would spend a million dollars if it meant Tyler moving in, Tyler sleeping soundly in his bed, Tyler being safe. 

After, he was planning on actually going grocery shopping for the first time in a month, not wanting the kid to just think they had takeout and beer every night, although they did. Which reminded him, he had to talk to Colin about that. Lastly, he had to find _something_ for the kid’s 18th birthday. He really hoped Tyler wouldn’t be uncomfortable being bought a cell phone, and Josh also wanted to get a cake. And candles. And cheesy birthday cards, and balloons, and flowers, and every damn gift in the world. He had a feeling Tyler hadn’t had a lot of that in his past. Josh wanted to make it his life’s mission to make up for every single birthday, Christmas, and everything in between that Tyler hadn’t had. 

Josh ended up staying out all day, stressing and thinking over every little thing that could go wrong. He spent an hour at the grocery store, realizing they basically didn't have any kind of dinner food that wasn’t frozen pizza or ramen, or any healthy food at all, and stopped to get the boy a chocolate cake from the bakery. He knew he was going overboard, but he didn't care about that when it came to Tyler. On an impulse decision, he pulled into the garden store, picking out a bouquet of sunflowers he knew would make the kid smile, and a light green vase to go with them. He even went _back_ to the grocery store and bought a vanilla cake, because what if Tyler didn't like chocolate? 

By the time he got back to his apartment, it was starting to get dark outside, and he still hadn’t gotten an actual present for Tyler. Josh still had to shower, unload everything, and finish cleaning up, and decided he would just go out early the next day. He didn’t quite know what time Tyler was planning on walking over, which made him anxious, so he made up his mind to go get him a cell phone at seven the next morning. Josh, who never willingly woke up before noon on a Saturday, was setting his alarm for 6:30. The things he would do for this kid. 

Colin got home around eight, laughing when he opened the fridge and saw, well, food. “Really pulling out all the stops for this boy, huh, Joshie?” Josh grinned back. “You haven’t seen the half of it.”

As Josh showered, he realized he had forgotten to tidy up their bathroom and actually clean the shower, and he began to wonder what else he had forgotten. Somewhere, deep down, Josh knew he was being ridiculous, and that Tyler probably wouldn’t care, but the kid deserved the world. He deserved a mansion, a castle, everything he could ever want and more. Josh just wanted him to be happy.

As he was drying off, he saw his phone lighting up from where it lay on the bathroom counter, noting with confusion he had ten missed calls from Brendon. He ran the towel through his hair, picking up the phone and scrolling down through the notifications.

Brendon Urie:  
Missed Call (10)

Brendon Urie:  
iMessage (15)

With a sinking feeling Josh unlocked his phone, his mind rushing to think of any possible explanation.

Brendon:  
Josh josh JOSH why the hell aren’t you answering

Brendon:  
Fuck you pick up pick up PICK UP

Brendon:  
It’s Tyler

Brendon:  
You need to get down here right fucking now

Brendon:  
JOSH

Josh’s heart stopped, his vision tunneling on the phone screen as threw his old clothes back on, bolting out the door, not bothering to read the rest of the texts. He yelled a mumbled explanation to Colin, the only actual distinguishable word being “Tyler.” as he ran outside, fumbling with his keys. He made it to the tattoo parlor in record time, every second feeling like an eternity of thinking through everything that could’ve happened. _It’s Tyler._ Brendon’s text had read, but what did that mean? Tyler was there? Tyler was hurt? Was there something seriously wrong?

It was all of the above. Josh swung the door open, frozen as he stared at the scene in front of him. Tyler was on the ground, curled into himself impossibly tiny, and a sobbing wreck, hiding his face in his knees so that all Josh could see was his soft brown hair, looking raked through and disheveled and _holyshit_ was that blood?

Brendon and Dallon were on either side of him, looking worried as hell, and Brendon jumped up and grabbed Josh. “Holy fuck, what took you so long?” He exclaimed. “We have no idea what to do. Something bad happened. The kid looks awful, Josh.”

Josh swallowed, pushing down the pit in his stomach and trying to ignore the adrenaline spiking his veins as he knelt down beside Tyler. The boy flinched back when Josh lightly put his hand on his shoulder, and Josh thought he was going to throw up. 

Josh forced himself to focus on the situation at hand. This wasn't about him. He wanted to break down, scream, and beat the life out of whoever did this to Tyler all at the same time. But he had to focus.

“Ty, Tyler, shhhh. I’m right here, honey. Shhhh.” Tyler didn’t move, just curled further into himself. Josh’s eyes caught on the only part of his skin visible, his bruised and bleeding knuckles, and he started to see blood seeping through the boy’s sleeves. “Go get your car.” Josh instructed the other two. “We’re taking him to the hospital.”

Tyler’s head jerked up at this, and Josh tried not to cry as he took in the boy’s black eye, split lip, black and blue and broken face. “No hospital.” He demanded, looking defensive and terrified. “I’ll leave if you try to take me.”

“Tyler…” Josh’s voice cracked. “We need to. I-“ He swallowed, trying to compose himself. “What did they do to you?” Josh didn’t want to say it, but if the boy’s face looked like that, what the hell did the rest of him look like. 

“My aunt’s a nurse.” He said bitterly, “They’ll be there in a second.”

Josh cursed. “Okay, then we’ll go to another hospital, or the police, or-“

“You can’t!” Tyler sobbed. “Please, please Josh. I just…” All it took was Josh gently placing his hand on the boy’s shoulder, and he was collapsing, falling into Josh. He wrapped his arms tightly around the boy, his heart breaking when Tyler suddenly yelped. Josh needed to see what the rest of his injuries were. “Please.” Tyler cried into Josh, burying his face as far into the older boy’s sweatshirt as he could. 

“Go get the car.” Josh repeated to Brendon and Dallon. “We’re not going to the hospital.” He assured Tyler when the boy tensed up. “Just back to my apartment. Is that okay?” Tyler nodded against his chest. 

The other two walked out the door, but Josh barely noticed. He tried not to break as his Tyler fell to pieces, tiny sobs muffled against him. 

“Tyler. Tyler, shhhh.” He gently held the boy, stroking his hair soothingly. “It’s okay, honey. I’m right here.” He had no idea what else to do. When the car pulled up out front, he awkwardly tried to get to his feet still holding Tyler in his arms. Brendon rushed in, helping Josh up, opening the car door for them, and Josh collapsed into the backseat, Tyler still curled into his lap. As Dallon drove them the short distance back to his apartment, no one spoke, the only sounds coming from Tyler’s occasional whimpers. 

That night was the fastest Josh had ever made it up the goddamn stairs to his apartment, spurred on by the boy in his arms, suprisingly light and unmoving. Josh started to worry that the kid was unconscious, his face so far hidden in Josh’s sweatshirt as if he was trying to shut out the entire world. Josh didn’t blame him.

“Tyler?” He said softly, wanting to make sure the boy was still actually breathing. What if the bleeding was worse than it had looked? What if he had internal injuries? The boy stirred in his arms, curling his hands up against Josh’s chest. 

He knew Colin was probably out with his girlfriend, and hesitated when they got to the door of his apartment. “Tyler, honey, I need to put you down just for a second, okay? I need to get my keys out.”

Tyler sniffled and gave him a tiny nod, and Josh slowly lowered him to his feet. He kept one arm still wrapped around Tyler's small waist, trying not to press on any injuries the boy might possibly have as he fumbled with his keys and swung open the door. Josh gently helped the boy over to the couch, where he collapsed, sinking into the cushions and closing his eyes, hands automatically reaching out for Josh. Josh dug his nails into his skin, wanting nothing more than to pull the boy into him, wrap his arms around him, kiss his soft hair, and stay there for eternity, but there were more pressing matters. “Ty, I’m so sorry honey, but I have to look at your injuries.” The boy whimpered, blinking his eyes open and looking up at Josh pitifully. 

“I’ll be- just give me one second.” Josh said, tearing himself away and quickly disappearing into the bathroom to retrieve the first aid kit. He never wanted to leave Tyler’s side again. He knelt in front of the boy, carefully lifting his hand and examining it, looking up at Tyler. “Can you tell me what happened?” Tyler blinked, looking away as his eyes welled with tears, biting his already split lip. 

“Okay, okay.” Josh immediately dropped the line of questioning. It could wait. Josh sat back, really not liking what he was about to say.

“Tyler, honey, I’m really sorry, but I have to take your sweatshirt off, okay?” Tyler just squeezed his eyes shut, giving him another tiny nod. Josh slowly worked the shirt off, carefully pulling Tyler’s arms out of the sleeves so he didn’t have to lift them, gently tugging the rest of it off of his head. Tyler dropped his head away from him as all the breath left Josh’s lungs and his vision went black for a moment.

It wasn’t just the bruises that covered his battered form, or the fact that they were in all different shades and multiple stages of healing, meaning this wasn’t the first time. There were more scars, too, deeper, wider, more jagged ones, gashed across his prominent hip bones and up his sides, the soft skin below his stomach, littered among bruises and ribs. Which Josh could easily see. 

The kid was so much skinnier than Josh had thought, hidden with baggy clothes and his naturally small body. His pale, thin chest heaved in and out, Tyler wincing with every breath as he stared at Josh, his eyes terrified and his cheeks flushed with shame. The kid looked completely and utterly broken.

 _"Tyler..."_ Josh whispered, feeling like his heart had stopped beating, his breath frozen.

This was so much worse than he could’ve imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a turn and got kinda dark and everything'll be explained in the next chapter 
> 
> writing this helps me cope with all this stuff w my own parents n all that so uh, im sorry for this and thanks for sticking it out through all this angst
> 
> uhmmm ill try to update tommorow but im currently stuck out in the middle of nowhere, utah, so we'll see how that goes


	11. by my side until my dying days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking around those of you still reading this- i promise it gets better after this?
> 
> to be perfectly honest the majority of the stuff tyler's parents say in this is taken directly from mine.. but thank you all for your sweet comments about that. i really appreciate it, sorry for the angst!!! again!!!
> 
> also theres no song in this one cause the songs are for the happy chapters (which is next chapter... i promise) ok yeah im still stuck in utah sorry this was so late. love you guys
> 
> title is from my favorite song in the world- taxi cab

Bit by bit, Josh cleaned, bandaged, wrapped Tyler up, ignoring how every cut and scrape and bruise dug right into his heart. Josh started with his face, lightly dabbing at his broken nose and swollen eyes and bleeding lip with a washcloth. Every time the kid flinched Josh felt more and more like crying, but one of them had to be okay that night. And Tyler was far from it.

As Josh wiped away blood, lightly running his fingers over the boy’s cheeks, Tyler alternated between staring at his hands, and sneaking nervous glances at Josh. “M' sorry.” The boy mumbled after a few minutes, and Josh looked up at him incredulously. “Tyler, what on earth could you possibly be sorry for?” He just ducked his head lower, forcing Josh to gently lift it so he could keep cleaning up the boy’s face.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Josh affirmed when he didn’t answer. “Tyler, honey, this isn’t your fault. You know that, right?” Tyler didn’t know that. He shook his head. “It kind of is, Josh.” He said wryly. “I was- _God,_ I’m so stupid. Thinking I could actually get out of there. Thinking I could work and save money and make it without them.” Tyler was directly repeating his parent’s words without realizing it. 

“You did make it out, though, Tyler. What are you talking about? You’re here.”

Tyler huffed. “How long before you get sick of me too, Josh? How long before you decide you hate me? It’s just a matter of time. I’m ungrateful, I’m selfish, I’m needy. Why would you even like me, Josh?” He said accusingly, glancing down at his scarred arms and hips, his skinny chest, the bruises that marked up his ribs.

Josh cupped his face with his hand, making Tyler look him in the eyes. “None of that’s true. That’s your parents talking, honey, and they’re so fucking wrong. They have no idea who you are.”

Tyler shook his head. “They know me more than anyone else. They’re my parents, Josh. They know everything about me.”

Josh looked at him with a sinking feeling. “Do they,” He swallowed, “Do they know about this? Do they know they cause it?” He questioned, gesturing to the dark pink scars marking up the boy’s hipbones. Tyler just laughed. “They walked in on me once.” He said bitterly. “And they were _furious._ ” He shook his head, smiling dryly. “And they said, ‘Does anyone else know about this?’ and then they said, ‘You’re gonna keep it that way.’ They didn’t want anyone knowing how screwed up I was, or how it was their fault. My mom threatened me, like, ‘If you lie to anyone and say _anything_ that makes us look like bad parents, your life will change drastically.’ And my dad agreed, and said something like, ‘If you think it’s bad now.’ and the conversation pretty much ended.”

Josh was staring at Tyler with disbelief, prompting another sarcastic laugh from the boy. “So yeah, I guess you could say they know.”

Josh opened his mouth, at a complete loss for words as his eyes filled with tears. “Don’t.” Tyler shook his head, closing his eyes tiredly. “I can’t do this right now, Josh.”

Josh wasn’t in any position to ignore the boy’s request. Although it killed him, absolutely ripped his heart in half that Tyler could even think any of this about himself, or that he had to deal with those miserable excuses for parents for all this time and thought it was okay, Josh silently picked up the washcloth and got to work where blood had dried down his neck. He noticed with relief that there were no new scars marking the boy’s arms, and he wondered if, before he had met Tyler, a night like this would have resulted in something like those three, dark, vertical lines that haunted him. 

But the important thing was, tonight, it hadn’t. Tyler had run straight to the tattoo parlor, straight to him, and Josh would thank God every day for the rest of his life that he had. No matter how badly Josh wanted to mend and fix and undo every single bad thing that had happened in Tyler’s past, it was all he could do to make sure none of that was his future. 

When Josh had cleaned all the blood, he looked down at Tyler’s chest with no clue how to proceed. What if the kid’s ribs were broken? What if they had punctured a lung? Okay, he probably would be able to tell at that point, but Josh still had no idea what he was doing. He walked into the kitchen to get ice for the bruises just as Colin was walking in the door, and he quickly yanked the man in before he could walk into the other room and find Tyler on the couch. 

“Hi.” Josh said, and Colin looked at him expectantly. “Um, Tyler’s here right now, he’s on the couch, and his parents beat the shit out of him a few hours ago.” Colin looked back in shock. “Oh and, uh, make yourself useful, and figure out what to do about broken ribs.” Josh said as he grabbed the ice and dashed back to the couch, where Tyler was looking at him worriedly. 

“It’s just my roommate.” Josh assured him. “Colin. He’s a drummer, too. He’s really nice. I promise.” 

Tyler didn’t look so convinced. “Does he know that I’m here, though?” He looked down at his hands. “Is he gonna be mad?” 

Josh shook his head, sitting beside the boy on the couch. “He knows. He’s fine with it.” Josh shushed him, gently wrapping an arm around Tyler’s shoulder. He lightly ran his fingers through the boy’s tangled hair, Tyler relaxing automatically into Josh’s chest. As much as Josh wanted to never move again, never do anything but sit there and play with Tyler’s brown curls and trace his soft skin until the boy fell asleep in his arms, he still needed to figure out what to do about his injuries.

Tyler’s eyes were closed when Colin entered, who still looked confused and concerned as hell taking in the scene of the shirtless, bruised boy on their couch. “Colin, c’mere.” Josh gestured to where they sat, and Tyler jolted up, wincing at the sudden movement. Colin smiled reassuringly, sitting down next to Josh. 

“Hey, I’m Colin.” He introduced himself kindly, and Tyler looked at him shyly from where he was curled into Josh.

“Hi.” He said quietly, suddenly very self conscious. Tyler didn’t know what Josh had told his roommate, but the man was actively trying not to stare at his bruises, and _holyshit_ this random stranger could definitely see all his scars. Tyler curled further into Josh, asking quietly in his ear, “Could you, uh, could I maybe have my shirt back?” 

Josh shook his head. “I’m sorry, Ty. But we need to make sure somethings not seriously wrong, like, like broken ribs or something. Colin knows more about this stuff.” He said, reassuring Tyler, “He’s a friend, okay? He’s just here to help.” 

Tyler shook his head, his anxious fingers pulling at the hem of Josh’s shirt. “I’ve had broken ribs before, Josh.” He said softly, though Colin could still hear. “There’s nothing you can do.” 

Josh’s breath caught in his lungs. He’d had broken ribs _before_ this? Knowing he could let that fact eat him up inside until he was absolutely useless to Tyler, he turned to Colin for confirmation. The man nodded, still trying to process the whole situation. “Uh, basically. But you need to get lots of rest, like, limited movement for a few days, and stuff like that. Just take it easy for a little.” 

Josh was immensely relieved. The worst-case scenario part of his mind had him thinking they would need to go to the hospital, meaning running into the kid’s parents.

“We can do that.” Josh said easily, looking down at Tyler and lightly squeezing his shoulder. “That’ll be fine. We’ll just hang out for a few days, right, Ty?” Tyler was crying.

Colin, sensing the mood, made up an excuse to go back to his room, giving Josh a serious look before saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” 

As soon as he left, Josh turned back to the crying boy, not even needing to ask, Tyler rushing over himself to explain. “I’m such a burden on you, Josh. I just- I don’t even have money anymore, my dad took it all when he found it, and I’m just a complete mess and you’re not obligated to do any of this. It’s not like any of this is new. I don’t know why I’m putting all this shit on you. You don’t deserve it.”

The silence hung over them for a few seconds as Josh scrambled to find something to say, something to make the boy see that, “ _No one_ deserves this, Tyler. And if I can help in any way at all, I will. I would do anything for you.” He stated, and he truly meant it. “Not because I’m obligated to.” Josh affirmed, “But because I, I” Josh paused, trying to put it into words. “You’re the most important thing in my life. I need you, Tyler. I need to know that you’re safe and I need you to be happy and have a life with everything you deserve. _Because you deserve the fucking world._ ” 

As Josh wiped the tears from Tyler’s cheeks, his head buried in the older boy’s chest, he promised himself that he would give Tyler just that. But first, he would give Tyler a shirt, now that Josh knew there wasn't anything else he could do about his ribs, and the boy was starting to shiver in his arms. “C’mon.” Josh gently helped him to his feet and into Josh’s room. “Let’s get you something to wear.”

Josh rummaged through his closet, settling on a baseball sweatshirt and gray pair of sweats that were too small on him, but would probably be too big on Tyler anyways. He waited outside the door, knowing the other boy didn’t like to change in front of people, only to be called back in a minute later with a soft, “Josh?”

Seeing the boy in his sweatpants, hanging low on his small waist and folding over his feet, made Josh’s heart tug. Hearing Tyler’s pained voice ask, “Could you, um, maybe help me with the sweatshirt? I can’t really lift my arms.” made Josh’s hands clench thinking about the people who did this to him. 

Now was not the time to be angry, Josh reminded himself. The only thing that mattered was Tyler. He gently pulled the sweatshirt over his head, helping him get his arms through, tugging it down over his chest. As Josh expected, it completely enveloped him, and Tyler blinked up at him, the hood half-covering his soft brown eyes. 

“Thank you.” He said shyly, his voice breaking, and Josh knew automatically he didn’t just mean for the clothes. 

Josh gently pulled him into his chest, one arm wrapped around his lower back, the other cradling the boy’s head against his shoulder as he rubbed soothingly. “Of course, baby.” As Josh stood with his Tyler in his arms, he whispered a promise he knew he would do whatever it took to keep. “I would do anything for you.” He pressed his cheek into the boy’s head. “I’m never gonna let anything happen to you ever again.”

That night, laying in his bed with Tyler curled into his arms sleeping softly, Josh repeated that promise over and over in his head like a mantra, and he felt it in his veins, his heart, his everything. Tyler would be safe, Josh wouldn’t let anything happen to him, for as long as he lived.


	12. we're here to stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes guys sorry for all the stuff in the last two chapters!! yikes!!!
> 
> anyways, i kinda feel like people are losing interest in this idk but i hope that you still like it
> 
> title is from of monsters and men- king and lionheart

Waking up with Tyler curled into his arms, his soft breaths and mess of honey brown hair tickling his neck, Josh had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, that the adorable boy laying beside him was in fact _real_ , not just a figment of his imagination. Everything about him was so perfect Josh wasn't sure sometimes. 

The dream ended when he looked down at the sleeping boy for a few moments, his soft, pale face still marked with black and blue that made Josh’s stomach turn. His black eye had gotten darker overnight, his split lip scabbed over and the bruises on his cheeks darker than before, light purple circling under his eyes. None of that belonged on the boy’s delicate, angelic face. 

Tyler, as if feeling Josh’s eyes on him, slowly stirred, blinking open his soft brown eyes still heavy with sleep. He looked up at Josh, his fatigue ridden mind slightly confused as to how he had ended up in Josh’s bed, the events of the previous night coming back to him and stealing his blissful ignorance all too soon.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Josh kissed his messy hair, trying to lighten the serious mood. Of course he wanted to talk about last night, he needed to hear what happened and exactly what Tyler was feeling in order to help him work through it, but he didn’t want to rush the boy into anything. “D’you want breakfast?”

Tyler shook his head, pulling the blankets up around him, burrowing into Josh’s chest. He nuzzled his head against the older boy, and Josh got the hint, bringing up a hand and lightly carding his fingers through the kid’s hair. Josh tried to ignore the way Tyler was completely pressed up against them, his small legs tangled in with his own, or the fact that they were in bed together, focusing on playing with Tyler’s curls, gently working through the tangles. 

“D’you wanna just stay here for a little while?” He suggested, and Tyler nodded sleepily. Josh grinned, knowing he would never leave the bed again if that’s what Tyler wanted. 

Luckily, after about an hour, Tyler slowly started to sit up, leaning against Josh’s chest where he sat against the headboard, pulling in his knees. It was almost noon, and from what he saw last night, Josh really wanted to make sure the boy was eating. He began slowly stretching to get up, thinking about what to make them. 

As he did, he noticed Tyler staring down at his hands, and the prominent dark purple and red coloring his knuckles. Josh’s heart ached at the thought of his Tyler having to hit anyone, having to physically protect himself from anything, but part of him hoped the boy had gotten a few good punches in. Tyler, feeling Josh’s eyes on him, glanced up, sighing. 

“Last night was the first time I’d ever-“ He shook his head. “I always take it out on myself, y’know?” Josh knew all too well what he was referring to. “That was the first time I ever fought back.” Tyler stared into space for a second, before whispering, “I hated it.”

Josh slid back around him, wrapping his arms around his waist, Tyler’s head naturally fitting into the crook of his neck. “I know, Ty. You won’t ever have to do that again. I promise.” He kissed the boy’s forehead. “But Tyler, honey, I’m so proud of you, for, y’know. Not taking it out on yourself. I’m so so proud.” 

Tyler flushed, ducking his head further into Josh’s neck, his soft hair tickling under his chin. “Because it’s not about you, at all, baby, you have to know that. This is about them. It’s not your fault at all.” 

Tyler was quiet for a few moments. He was torn, half wanting to fall apart, sobbing, make Josh _see_ how wrong he was, how this was his fault, how terrible he was, see exactly what his parents saw in him. But he didn’t want pity, he didn’t want to become an even heavier burden on Josh, knowing Josh would fall over himself to comfort him, praise him, make Tyler feel better. He stayed silent.

Josh wasn't completely clueless. He could guess what the boy was thinking, he could tell Tyler didn’t believe him, at least not fully. After all those years of living with his parents, Josh didn’t expect him to change overnight. The things they said to him were probably ingrained deep into what the boy believed about about himself. Josh knew the boy needed time, time away from them and living safely with Josh, and he could start to see what Josh saw in him. Which was _everything._ Tyler was everything.

After another few minutes trying to tempt Tyler out of bed with the promise of pancakes and TV, Josh sighed, lightly scooping the boy up, carrying him to the kitchen still wrapped in a blanket. He gently set him down on a seat at the kitchen table, ruffling his hair. 

“Chocolate chips?” Josh asked him, and the boy nodded excitedly, eyes lighting up. Josh’s heart tugged in his chest, mixing batter and dumping in as many chocolate chips as he could fit. Josh switched on his music while he made pancakes, not even bothering to ask Tyler what he wanted to listen to, since at this point it was pretty clear they had the exact same taste.

_"Taking over this town, they should worry._  
_But these problems aside I think I taught you well._  
_That we won't run, we won't run, we won't run."_

Seeing Tyler happily dig into a huge stack of pancakes, with whipped cream on top and everything, Josh tried not to think about how much the kid had been eating at home. He couldn’t fixate on that anymore. 

_"And in the winter night sky, ships are sailing._  
_Looking down on these bright blue city lights._  
_And they won't wait, they won't wait, they won't wait._  
_We're here to stay, we're here to stay, we're here to stay."_

Josh made the rest of the batter, leaving a few extra pancakes for Colin, though unfortunately not leaving the him any whipped cream. Tyler giggled as Josh sprayed it directly into his mouth, some of it landing on his chin. “You’ve got a little, uh,” Tyler laughed at him, and it was probably the prettiest thing Josh had ever seen. “What was that, baby boy? Something on my face?”

Tyler shook his head, giggling and blushing slightly. Josh wiped it off, smiling slyly as he sprayed more in his hand. “You’ve got a little something there too, Ty.” He said as he lightly brushed his hand over the boy’s cheek, spreading whipped cream all over his face. Tyler squealed, looking up at Josh in shock. Josh paused for a second, worried that the kid would be mad, and Tyler took that opportunity to grab the can out of his hands, spraying it haphazardly so that some even landed in Josh’s hair. 

“Ohh, you’re gonna regret that.” Josh teased as he picked the boy up, his heart sinking and the playful mood dissipating when Tyler yelped with pain. 

“Holy shit, Tyler, I forgot. I’m so so sorry, baby.” Josh cursed, setting the boy back in his chair. “Ty, god, I’m such a dumbass. Are you okay?”

Tyler nodded, biting his lip slightly. “I forgot, too.” He confessed bitterly, looking down. 

Josh's phone kept playing in the background as they both paused, at a loss for words. 

_"Howling ghosts they reappear,_  
_In mountains that are stacked with fear,_  
_But you're a king and I'm a lionheart."_

“Hey.” Josh lifted his chin. “It’s just gonna take time, okay? It’ll heal with time.” Josh wasn’t just talking about his ribs, and Tyler wasn’t so sure.

“What if it doesn’t, though?” Tyler said quietly, knowing what Josh had meant. “What if it's like this forever?”

“Things are different now.” Josh insisted. “You’re out of there, you’re never going back. We have all the time in the world.”

And it truly felt like they did. Cuddled into each other on the couch watching Parks and Rec after breakfast, time felt like it was stretching out into infinity. Nothing else mattered but the two of them, and that moment. 

Not wanting to push Tyler in going out so soon, Josh suggested staying in that night, too, which Tyler gratefully accepted. Colin was out that night, so Josh ordered a pizza for the two of them, once again grateful to be able to get Tyler eating as much as possible. He laughed to himself after placing the order, thinking about his flurry of grocery shopping for ‘healthy’ food, but here they were ordering in. Tyler nudged him, wondering what the laughter was for. 

“It’s just, yesterday, before you came, I was like freaking out, and cleaning and going shopping, and I got all this healthy food at the grocery store because I didn’t want you to think we just eat takeout every night, which we do-“ Tyler cut him off by lacing his arms around Josh’s neck, giving him a shy kiss on the cheek. “You didn’t have to do any of that.” He mumbled, blushing. 

“I wanted to.” Josh reassured him, sitting upright as he remembered something else about that shopping trip. “Oh my god, Ty, it’s your birthday!” He exclaimed, and Tyler blinked back at him, surprised. 

“Oh yeah, I guess it is. I kinda forgot about that.” He said softly, and it wasn’t hard to guess what he was thinking about, why he had forgotten. 

“I completely forgot, I, uh,” Josh quickly filled the silence before Tyler thought about it too much. “I got you some stuff yesterday, like a card and stuff, oh, and flowers, but-“ He broke off, seeing Tyler’s incredulous look. “You did all that for me?” The boy asked quietly, sounding on the verge of tears. 

“Of course.” Josh replied naturally. “But I didn’t even get you a present.” He said, slightly dismayed.

Tyler looked up at him in awe, wondering how the hell he had gotten so lucky, not quite knowing what to say. Maybe that he had never had anyone in his life who loved him enough to care about his birthday, or make him pancakes, or fix his injuries. They were both quiet for a few moments before Tyler nervously ventured, “Josh?”

“Mhmm, baby?” 

“I can think of something I wanted for my birthday.” He mumbled, blushing softly.

“Anything, Ty. I’ll go out and get it first thing tomorrow. I’m so sorry I don’t have anything right now.”

“ _Josh…_ ” Tyler trailed off, nuzzling his face in the other boy’s neck shyly.

 _Oh._ Josh cursed himself for being so slow. He looked down at Tyler, cupping his face and running his thumb over the boy’s soft cheekbones. “Is this okay?” Josh confirmed, leaning in close, locking on to Tyler’s endlessly deep brown eyes.

Tyler nodded, closing his eyes as he felt Josh move closer. “Happy birthday, baby boy.” Josh said quietly, before softly pressing his lips to Tyler’s.


	13. on my way to believing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot express my overwhelming gratitude to every single one of you incredible people for being so so supportive and lovely to me. i dont deserve you all♥
> 
> and guys the first scene is word-for-word how my first kiss went so im making you all suffer too
> 
> title is from paramore- the only exception

Every inch of Tyler’s mind was short-circuiting as he melted into the kiss, pressing his mouth into Josh’s soft lips, but not quite sure what else to do. Josh pulled away after a few seconds, grinning widely. Tyler wasn’t so confident.

“That was my first kiss.” He whispered, looking down at his hands still curled in his own lap. 

“Oh?” Josh breathed, smile only growing brighter. “What’d you think?” He asked, worried at how nervous Tyler was acting.

Tyler blushed deeply, not believing what he was about to say “What if I’m like- I don’t think I’m _good_ at it.” He confessed, not meeting Josh’s eyes.

Josh moved his hand from Tyler’s cheek to his lower back, rubbing up and down. “Tyler, you’re fine. You’re perfect.” He clarified. 

"Just, don’t worry. Here.” Josh said, moving in closer and brushing their lips together. 

“Relax, baby.” He instructed before kissing Tyler gently, being careful not to break the skin of his split lip. Josh slowly deepened the kiss, lightly running his tongue over the boy’s bottom lip. Tyler gasped, his eyes wide as he pulled back, temporarily out of breath. 

“That-that was,” He searched for the right words. “Could you do that again?” He asked instead. Josh was more than happy to oblige. 

“Am I doing this right?” Tyler asked when Josh pulled away, and it was all Josh could do not to laugh at how cute he was being. 

“Yes, baby. I’m not sure you could be doing this _wrong_.” He said, though Tyler still looked unsure. 

“Here.” Josh directed, gently lifting Tyler’s hands and placing them around his own neck. 

“Just-“ He gently pulled the other boy closer, hands on his waist. Tyler’s eyes were dark and full, his rosy cheeks flushed and his lips, _his lips_ , they were soft and perfect that Josh was about to lose his mind. 

_Baby steps._ he repeated over and over as he forced himself to take it slow. Josh had done basically everything one could do, but Tyler had just had his first kiss. Josh didn’t want to rush him into anything. 

Tyler seemed to have different ideas. As Josh’s lips moved against his, Tyler’s fingers naturally tangled in his hair, tugging slightly with a mind of their own. Josh let out an involuntary moan at this, and Tyler froze. Josh pulled away, cupping the other boy’s face soft, worried that had gone too far. 

“Shit, sorry, Tyler. I didn’t mean to-“ Tyler cut him off with another kiss, and Josh decided to return the action, steadying the boy at the hip with one hand, the other finding the soft curls at the base of Tyler’s neck, running his fingers through them. He curled his fingers around the tangled locks, and Tyler moaned happily into Josh’s lips.

“Do you like that, baby?” Josh said in a low voice, not trying to be dirty or sexy, just wanting to know exactly how to make his boy feel as good as possible. Tyler nodded, curling further into Josh, at this point basically in his lap. Another tug of his hair, and Tyler’s mouth fell open softly, Josh taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss. 

After a few seconds, Tyler pulled away, once again breathless and looking at Josh, slightly awe-struck.

“I just french-kissed you.” He said slowly, as if he couldn’t quite believe it. Josh seriously couldn’t get over how adorable the kid was when it came to stuff like this. “Yes, Ty, you did.” He confirmed, and Tyler giggled at that. 

“M’ sorry, Josh, it’s just…” He trailed off, eyes searching Josh’s face. “I didn’t think I was ever gonna get kissed. And I _especially_ didn’t think my first kiss would be with someone like you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Josh teased, nuzzling Tyler’s neck. “It means- _oh_.” Tyler’s sentence was cut short when the boy gasped, his eyelids fluttering as Josh lightly kissed the skin just below his ear. Josh pulled away, looking at the boy with amusement. “You good?” He asked, knowing damn well that he had just found a sensitive spot on Tyler. 

Tyler stared back, eyes slightly clouded and absolutely breathless. His hands tightened in Josh’s hair. “Do that again.” He pleaded. Josh wasn’t about to say no, but he was hesitant to make the boy go any further. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, half teasing but also genuine. Tyler rolled his eyes, his face flushed, pulling Josh closer. 

“I’m eighteen.” He protested, and Josh wasn’t going to put up a fight.

He returned to the same spot, before planting kisses moving up the boy’s jawline, the doorbell ringing just as Josh made his way back to the boy’s soft lips. He broke away, holding Tyler’s face in his hands, who whined softly at the loss of contact. 

“Pizza’s here, baby boy.” Josh laughed as he gently shifted Tyler off of his lap. Tyler followed him to the front door, his sock clad feet padding softly on the carpet, his mussed up hair and rosy face and oversized sweatshirt making Josh’s heart tug. 

Josh grabbed his wallet from the kitchen, asking Tyler as the doorbell rang impatiently again, “Could you get that, baby?” Tyler didn’t think there was anything he wouldn’t do when Josh called him that. He slowly opened the door, glancing back to see Josh right behind him. When he turned back around, he froze, eyes widened, unable to form a single word.

“Joseph?” The pizza delivery boy blinked, checking the address on the receipt. Josh immediately stepped in front of Tyler, trying to steer the interaction away from him. 

“That’s for me, actually.” Josh said, handing the boy money. He wasn’t taking it. He peered around Josh’s shoulder to where Tyler was hiding. 

“You’re Tyler Joseph, right?” The boy repeated, and Tyler cowered behind Josh's back, his hands nervously grabbing onto the hem of Josh's shirt. 

“Look, man, can I just get my pizza?” Josh questioned, his tone changing slightly. “Take the money.”

The delivery boy wasn’t dropping it. “Hey, Tyler, I know you. You’re in my english class. Or, you sometimes are. Are you okay?” He questioned, addressing Tyler. “What happened to your face?” 

Josh sighed, turning and looking back at Tyler apologetically. “You don’t have to say anything, Ty.” He said softly, turning back to the other man. “Can you please just take the money and go?” 

To Josh’s surprise, the other boy took a step into the apartment, backing down Josh. 

“Did _you_ do this to him?” He challenged, and Tyler jumped in. 

“Ohmygod, no," He stuttered, his face flushed. "He’s my friend. I’m staying with him for a while.” 

The delivery boy blinked, not fully believing him. “Why aren’t you at school then? What’s going on?” 

Tyler blushed, not knowing what to say. “I don’t even know you.” He said suspiciously, “Why do you care?”

The boy scoffed. “Sorry for trying to be a good person.” He turned for the door, giving Josh a look. “If you’re really his _friend_ ,” he said, drawing out the word, “You should tell him that it’s not a good idea to drop out of high school. He’s pretty smart. He used to write poems and stuff.” 

Tyler darted into the hallway after the delivery boy, taking a deep breath. “Wait. I’m not dropping out.” He said defensively. “I’m going to school next week, I swear.” 

The boy’s expression softened into a grin. “Okay, cool, I guess I'll see you around, Tyler. I’m Pete.” 

He walked down the hall, and Tyler stood frozen, looking at Josh with bewilderment. “Hey, it’s okay, Ty.” Josh comforted, wrapping his arm around the boy and leading them back into his apartment. “He seemed nice. Maybe you could be friends?” 

Tyler buried his face in Josh’s shoulder. “I don’t have friends at school.” He told him, “M’ not like you. I’m not a- a people person. People don’t like me.” 

Josh sighed, rubbing his shoulders. “Ty, baby, you know thats not true. You just have to give them a chance.” Tyler shrugged, dismissing Josh’s attempt at comforting him. He just had to wait it out a few months, was all. “Let’s have pizza.” Tyler changed the subject.

Throughout that weekend, though, with Josh’s constant reassurances about going back to school, even taking him shopping despite his protests, Tyler started to think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

Josh got such a thrill out of buying him school supplies, Tyler couldn’t say no as the other boy picked out color-coded binders and pencils for him. At the last minute, Josh grabbed a black moleskin notebook and tossed it into the cart without a word. 

“What’s that for?” Tyler asked, tugging on Josh’s sleeve and he steered the cart. Josh smiled somewhat cautiously. “That kid- Pete, said you used to write poetry.” He ventured, not knowing if Tyler would be uncomfortable with this.

The boy blushed, looking away. “I don’t uh- all that stuffs in my old room..” He trailed off, and Josh squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry about that right now.” He comforted him as he paid. “Maybe you can fill this one?” 

Josh handed him the fancy black notebook, which Tyler took with both hands, gazing at the sleek leather cover with longing. He held it carefully against his chest, looking out the window the entire drive home as he sang softly along with the radio.

_"And I've always lived like this_  
_Keeping a comfortable distance._  
_And up until now I have sworn to myself_  
_That I'm content with loneliness."_

Josh reached across the center and laced his fingers with Tyler's.

_"Because none of it was ever worth the risk."_

He ran his thumb over the boy's knuckles, which were already healing from that night they were both trying to move past.

_"I've got a tight grip on reality,_  
_But I can't let go of what's in front of me here._  
_I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up._  
_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream."_

And when Josh dropped him off at school the next day, black notebook in hand, quickly kissing him goodbye in the back of the parking lot, Tyler decided that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be alright.

_"And I'm on my way to believing.  
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you all so much, i honestly cried reading all of the incredibly kind and supportive comments on the past few chapters about some of the darker stuff
> 
> now we can all enjoy some fluff :')
> 
> also guys i gotta confess: i have no idea how to write smut. like, as this story develops, i _want_ to, but its really embarrassing i have absolutely no idea how and i feel like if i try it'll just be awful and embarrassing since i have no clue about any of this stuff so bear with me ohgosh sorry guys


	14. you're the moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from all for you by night riots
> 
> to anyone who has stuck around, thank you endlessly

After going to school every day for a week, Tyler had come to the realization that most other high schoolers had months ago: senior year sucked. Even with Josh by his side every step of the way (he even did Tyler's english essay for him), Tyler seriously wondered how he was going to last until the end of the year. Not only did he have to deal with making up everything he had already missed in the third trimester, including about a hundred pages of reading and two lab reports in a subject he couldn’t even begin to understand, but everywhere he went he was met with whispers and stares. 

“It’s the Joseph kid.” Someone in his biology class whispered to her friend as he sat down. “I thought he was dead.” he heard walking down the halls. “What’s he doing here?"

Josh patiently insisted it would get better, each and every time Tyler called him between classes on his brand-new cell phone that had been a late birthday present. 

“Just give it time, baby.” Josh would reassure him, “People won’t even notice after a little bit. They’ll forget anything ever happened, things will go back to normal.” 

Tyler didn’t know what normal was. Tyler was hiding in a bathroom stall, not wanting to even think about the prospect of going to lunch. Everyone in the school knew things about him he didn't even want to think about ever again, and they all knew he was far from normal. Forget feeling like an outsider, Tyler Joseph was an imposter.

“You’re a high schooler, Ty. You have as much of a right and a reason to be there as anyone else. No one will even think twice about seeing you soon enough.” Josh promised, and the bell rang for lunch hour. 

Josh heard it over the phone, sighing. “Are you going to lunch, baby?”

Tyler shook his head, before realizing Josh couldn’t see him. “I don’t- I don’t even know where I would sit.” He confessed, and Josh just ached to be there with him, able to hug him and hold his hand and tell him how everything would be okay. 

“D’you want me to come get you?” Josh offered, “I could bring food, and we could eat in my car or something.” Tyler bit his lip, cursing himself for being so needy. “No, Josh, it’s fine. Honestly. You have stuff to do. M’ sorry for bothering you.” Tyler heard the bathroom door swing open, mumbling into the phone, “I gotta go, J, I’m fine. I promise.”

He opened the stall door, blinking when he was met face-to-face with Pete, the boy from his english class. 

“Are you hiding in here instead of eating?” He questioned. Tyler flushed. This boy really didn’t seem to have boundaries. 

“You’re in here, too.” He mumbled, unable to think of anything else to say. Pete smirked. “Yeah, not for the same reason.” Tyler just looked at him. 

“I’m looking for my boyfriend, Patrick. You know him?” Tyler shook his head. He really didn’t know anyone. “Anyways, he’s clearly not in here, so let's go.” Tyler blinked. “To lunch.” Pete elaborated, rolling his eyes and lightly nudging Tyler towards the door.

“I-I don’t-“ Tyler protested weakly, but this guy wasn’t taking no for an answer. “I don’t have anywhere to sit. I don’t know anyone.” He repeated, and Pete looked at him quizzically. 

“Dude, you said you’re going to school from now on, right?” Tyler nodded, not understanding what that had to do with anything.

“Look,” Pete said, “I don’t really understand your situation or anything, or what’s going on in your life, but if you say you’re actually gonna be here the rest of the year, don’t you want to make the most of it?”

Tyler looked at him blankly. “Not really.”

Pete sighed. “So, what, you’re just going to wait out the last trimester of senior year hiding in the bathroom and avoiding all human interaction?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Tyler told him honestly.

Pete rolled his eyes, “Sorry, dude, but that’s too sad for me to just stand by and watch.”

That was how Tyler came to sit with Pete and his boyfriend Patrick at lunch, along with a few other people he didn’t know. They all introduced themselves with varying levels of enthusiasm and names he would soon forget, but generally didn’t seem to be too weirded out by his presence. Tyler didn’t really know what to think.

It was one of the most confusing experiences of his life. Everything was so _loud_ , and there were so many people, and Tyler had no idea what anyone was talking about from what he managed to hear. Every once in a while, someone would stop and fill him in, tell him about the drama of so-and-so taking that girl to prom, or the teacher Tyler had never heard of before yelling at a student Tyler had also never heard of. He pretended to care as best he could, but the truth is, he had given up on all that long ago. None of it really mattered to him. 

What mattered to him was Josh, who, Tyler reminded himself, was the reason he was doing this. Josh wanted him to have a normal life, Josh wanted him to graduate high school. Tyler could stick it out for him.

Speaking of, he was pretty much all Tyler was thinking about that Friday at lunch, the rest of the table’s conversations going completely over his head. Every day this week Josh had picked him up from school, hugging him tightly as soon as Tyler got in the car, telling him how proud he was, and that was about all that made him keep going. 

Tyler’s heart leapt with anticipation when he walked out of school for the weekend, saw Josh’s familiar red jeep in the parking lot, and clambered in, eager to see him. What he didn’t anticipate was the bouquet of, _ohmygod_ , were those tulips? 

The delicate soft pink flowers were sitting in a jar in the cupholder, with a happy looking Josh taking in Tyler’s reaction. “You like them?” he grinned, greeting Tyler with a warm hug across the console, planting a kiss on the boy’s cheek. Tyler was still looking down at the flowers, already completely in awe of Josh, and completely confused as to how he was so incredibly lucky as to have him. “What are these for?” He asked softly, lightly smoothing a petal between his fingers. 

Josh smiled at him. “Not really sure. I thought we’d celebrate a good week. Also, do I really need an excuse to buy a cute boy flowers?” 

Tyler’s blush deepened, as he moved his hand from the flowers to link with Josh’s. “Where are we going?” He stretched across to rest his chin on Josh’s shoulder, looking out past the window as they turned out of the parking lot. Although, Tyler was perfectly content in knowing he would follow Josh to the ends of the earth if the boy asked.

Josh took his eyes off the road for a second, kissing Tyler’s hair. “I realized today, that I’ve never taken you on an actual date, and didn’t really get you a birthday present.” Tyler wasn’t sure where he was going with this, and wasn't sure that he liked it. Tyler had absolutely no way of repaying Josh, and didn't want the other boy to spend any more money on him. Josh had done more than he could've ever asked for.

“Josh, you got me a cell phone. An actual cell phone. Also, I don’t care about going on dates. I like the nights we stay in and hang out, more than like, going to a fancy restaurant.” 

Josh smiled. He had thought Tyler might say that. “I know that, baby. I think you’ll like this one, though.” 

As they drove, Tyler happily scrolled through Josh’s phone, queueing up songs for the road. He closed his eyes and settled back into the chair, Josh tracing patterns on his knuckles as he let himself be enveloped by the music.

_”You were quiet. In a world so full of noise.  
I’ll be your shoulder, you cry on, I’ll always hear your voice.”_

Tyler’s eyes fluttered open as he felt the car slow, Josh lightly squeezing his hand. “A few more minutes.” He said, and Tyler lightly fell back into sleep.

_”It’s all for you, for you, for you.  
It’s always been for you.”_

The next time he opened his eyes, the car tires were crunching on gravel, the car jolting. “Sorry, Ty.” Josh said softly. “Didn’t mean to wake you. We’re here, though.” 

Tyler blinked his eyes open, squinting in the orange glow of the sun. Or, rather, the sunset. To be specific, the orange glow of the sunset reflecting off of a lake. “Wh-where are we?” Tyler said softly, taking in the scene laid out in front of them. Josh grinned. “Lake Erie.” Tyler slowly sat up. “You, wait, you drove me two hours? To Cleveland?” Josh nodded. 

He got out of the car, walking around the front to open Tyler’s door. The sleepy boy allowed Josh to half-lift him out, Josh’s hands around his waist as they leaned against the car. “I hope you’re okay with this kind of date.” He whispered into Tyler’s ear, and Tyler nodded against his chest. 

The wind picked up across the lake, whipping through their clothes and making both boys shiver, Josh pulling Tyler closer into his arms. 

“In my mind it was gonna be warmer.” Josh mumbled, walking around the back and opening the trunk. “Luckily, I came prepared.”

Ten minutes later, the two boys were bundled up in blankets, in the back of Josh’s car with the trunk door left open, leaning against the back of the seats. Tyler was cuddled into Josh’s chest as they watched the sun sink into the lake, and in that moment, all Tyler could think was, _This is it._ There was no way life could possibly get better than this, there was no way he could ever be happier than he was in that moment with Josh. He was wrong.

“Hey. I love you, you know that?”

 _That_ was the happiest Tyler Joseph had ever been, and could ever be.

His heart stopped in his chest, his mind frozen on those three words. It took Tyler a few minutes, his breathing growing quiet and his hands falling still as he tried to process what Josh had said. Josh loved him. This was real. Josh loved him.

Josh gave Tyler as much time as he needed. He didn’t need the other boy to say it back, he just needed him to know. Know that he loved him, know that this was real, know that Josh would be there for him for anything and everything. 

He eventually did return the words, in a tiny whisper pressed close to Josh’s chest, words meant for him and only him. “I love you too.” 

They fell asleep on the rocky lakeside beach that night, tucked into the back of the jeep. When Josh realized he was probably too tired to drive, he simply flipped the middle seats down, stretching out and rearranging the blankets, pulling Tyler into his chest. 

Part of Josh wanted to freeze that moment, stop time altogether so he and Tyler could lay there forever, in absolute peace and happiness, never having to worry about anything again. 

The thing was, the other part of him, the part already thinking about Tyler’s adorable, sleepy looks the next morning, the music he would play on the drive back to Columbus, the way he would sing along, that part of him knew there was so much more to come. 

There would be more sunsets and 'dates' and birthdays and kisses, more "i-love-you"s and more moments he would want to hold onto forever.

_"You're the moon, on a cold grace eve.  
You light the way, always guiding me."_

As Josh watched the moon slowly rise over the city, mesmerized by Tyler's angelic face enveloped in the faint moonlight where the boy was asleep on Josh's chest, he was okay to just be in the present.

_"It's all for you, for you, for you,  
It's always been for you."_

He had a lifetime of those moments now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **[you guys dont need to read any of this]**
> 
>  
> 
> im so, so sorry that this is so late, and so crappy and so short. im not really expecting anyone to still be here after i dropped this for two weeks 
> 
> i dont really know what to say, i've been really kinda... bad. 
> 
> i was about to be one month clean, and then i relapsed. for a really fucking stupid reason. sorry for all this stuff
> 
> ill try to respond to your messages tomorrow. i dont deserve you


	15. wanna keep you 'round forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from halsey's new song - now or never
> 
> slight alchohol tw

By the third week back at school, Tyler had to begrudgingly admit that Josh had probably been right. Tyler had learned that this was typically the case, but he couldn't help but strongly doubt the boy’s reassurances and promises would ever be true when it came to this, the absolute nightmare that was high school. He had already resigned himself to be stared at and whispered about for the rest of his life there, wait it out until he could graduate and be done with the place. He’d endured worse, for longer. 

But by that third week, as soon as the next new gossip surfaced, Tyler was more or less forgotten about. And he couldn’t have been more grateful. His life slipped into a happy normalcy, where his biggest in the moment was passing his Spanish test, instead of how he was going to make it through each night. And, as if that wasn’t enough, he now had Josh, who would sit patiently night after night, quizzing Tyler on his Spanish vocabulary words. 

Day by day, he started getting accustomed to actual high school life, started remembering names and seeing the same people every day, people who didn't think twice anymore as they smiled and nodded at him. Tyler, not necessarily by choice but by Pete’s insistence, now had a lunch table to sit at every day, and after the first few weeks it was as if everyone had more or less accepted him as part of the group. This even resulted in a somewhat laughable event; Tyler Joseph got invited to a high school party. He was telling Josh the story on the way home from school, rolling his eyes at the entire situation. 

“Like, do I seriously look like the type of person who goes to parties? Or who’s ever been to a party in my life?” Tyler laughed. 

Josh wasn’t laughing with him. The other boy was looking out at the road with a serious expression on his face. “What if you did, though?” 

Tyler stared at him. “Josh, are you serious? I can’t go to like, an actual party. That’s crazy.”

Josh shrugged, trying to keep the conversation light. “Why not? I mean, you know Pete, he’s a good guy, you’ve made friends with his friends, it could be fun.” 

Tyler was bewildered. “Of course it wouldn’t be fun.” He didn’t even know why he had to explain this to Josh. “That’s like, everything I hate in the world. A ton of people, loud noises, alcohol. I’m obviously not going. They just invited me to be nice, anyways.” 

Josh was silent for a minute. “Ty, I’m sure that’s not true.” He paused. “I just, I think you could give it a try. You’ve never been to a party, you might have fun!” Josh was trying to be as enthusiastic as possible. “I mean, you don’t have to, I just think, it can be a fun high school experience, I guess.” 

Tyler looked out the window, biting his lip. Josh just wanted him to have a normal life, he knew that. “Nevermind, Ty, I’m sorry for bringing it up. You don't have to, obviously.” Josh dismissed the idea.

Tyler also knew that in high school, Josh had probably been the type of guy who went to parties every weekend, had tons of friends, did cool and 'fun' things. And Tyler was… well, just Tyler. Tyler was antisocial and awkward and generally disliked. He was just waiting for Josh to realize that, realize that he didn’t really have friends and had never been popular, or _cool_ at all. It was just a matter of time before Josh figured that out, and left him like everyone else. 

Tyler nodded. “Y-you’re right. A party would be… fun.” He swallowed. “But, I mean, it’s tonight. At Pete’s. So if you wanted to do something…” 

Tyler really hoped Josh would say he had something planned, something like that beach date, maybe. Or maybe Josh was just getting tired of him, he thought. 

“No, you should totally go!” Josh said excitedly, and Tyler’s stomach dropped a little bit. 

An hour later, that feeling had turned into a sinking pit as Tyler sat on Josh’s bed, the other boy going through his closet after Tyler complained he had nothing to wear (in hopes of not going). “Here, baby, this’ll look cute on you.” Josh tossed him his gray NASA shirt. Tyler rolled his eyes, still nervous. “Josh, all your clothes are gonna be too big on me. We’ve already established this.” 

Josh laughed at his response. “Yeah, exactly. You look adorable in my oversized shirts.” He sat down next to Tyler, lightly pulling him in for a kiss. Josh pulled his lips away far too soon, making Tyler whine, trying to tug Josh back in. 

“C’mon, baby boy.” Josh said, standing up. “You don’t wanna be late, do you?”

Tyler did want to be late. He just couldn’t tell Josh that. And half an hour later, when they were sitting in Josh’s car pulled up outside Pete’s house, Tyler _really_ couldn’t tell him that. Josh would be disappointed, Josh was getting sick of him, Josh wanted Tyler out of the house. That's what was running through Tyler’s head as Josh kissed him on the cheek, promised to pick him up at 11, and Tyler forced himself to get out of the car. 

Josh waited until he was at the door, anxiety filling Tyler’s veins as he knocked. The door immediately opened to a smiling Patrick, who pulled him into a bear hug before he could look back at Josh. “Tyler Joseph’s here!” he exclaimed, drawing the attention of the other people. “Tyler!” Pete bounded over, grinning. “I didn’t think you’d come.” 

So Tyler had been right. They had definitely just invited him to be nice. “Oh, uh, sorry. Yeah.” Tyler managed. _Smooth._ Pete gave Patrick a knowing look, and Tyler flushed, knowing it had something to do with him. 

“C’mon.” Pete said, pulling Tyler into the kitchen by his arm. “Let’s get a drink in you. Loosen you up.” 

Tyler’s breath caught in his chest, and Pete noticed. “Wait, what’s wrong? Are you- oh, do you not drink?” He asked, his tone easygoing and light, but Tyler was already so worked up. 

He didn’t belong here, they had invited him out of pity, and now he was going to be a downer, that awkward kid in the corner who doesn’t drink and made everyone else feel uncomfortable. He didn’t belong here, but Josh was sick of him, everyone got sick of him eventually. "I'll take a drink." 

“Okay, cool.” Pete handed him a red cup of a clear liquid Tyler couldn’t distinguish. He wrinkled his nose, taking a hesitant sip. It tasted like gasoline and rubbing alcohol, Tyler noted, coughing. “Ohmygod, dude, you don’t _sip_ vodka. You take a shot.” Patrick said, laughing along with his boyfriend. Tyler blushed. He was just embarrassing himself, he had no business being here. _Impostor._ Tyler thought. 

He threw the rest of the liquid back, his throat burning and adrenaline pumping. “That’s more like it!” Pete yelled, clapping his hands on Tyler’s shoulder, refilling his cup. Tyler, not knowing what else to do, lifted it again, grimacing as he swallowed the alcohol. “Alright, Tyler!” Pete’s friend Andy cheered. “This kid _rocks!_ ”

Tyler’s head swam as someone switched on the stereo, a catchy pop tune filling the house.

_"I don't wanna fight right now_  
_Know you always right, now_  
_Know I need you 'round with me_  
_But nobody waitin' 'round with me  
_

Tyler swayed on his feet, a whirlwind of people around him but really only thinking about Josh. Josh, who could've been out actually having fun, with his actual friends, without the dead weight of Tyler to drag him down. Tyler barely noticed as someone handed him another red solo cup, and he quickly downed it. "Who knew Tyler Joseph partied so hard?" An undistinguishable voice exclaimed.

 _"Been through the ups_  
_Yeah the ups and the downs with me_  
_Got a whole lot of love  
_ _But you don't wanna spread it 'round with me, yeah.”_

As it turned out, Tyler Joseph most certainly did not go “hard”. About an hour later, he was slumped on the couch, trying to take a nap, when his phone started buzzing. He fumbled trying to get it out of his pocket, loud music blaring as he lifted it to his ear. “Hello?” Oh. The phone was still ringing. This time he answered it, telling the girl next to him to “Shhh!” so he could hear.

“Tyler?” He heard Josh’s voice. _God_ , he loved that voice. “Josh!” Tyler crowed excitedly. “It's Joshua!" He exclaimed to no one in particular. "Hi Josh!”

There was a pause on the other line. “Hi, Tyler?” Tyler grinned. Josh’s voice was so cute. “Is that- wow, that music's really loud. Are you good?” Tyler’s grin grew wider. Josh was calling to check in on him. Maybe he didn't hate him, after all?

“I’m like, _so_ good Josh. Don’t worry about me. I’m… it’s your night off!” Tyler giggled.

“What are you talking about?” Josh sounded confused. “My night off? Ty, I can barely hear you.”

“From _me_.” Tyler explained, rolling his eyes, even though the other boy couldn’t see him. “Like, you don’t have to deal with me tonight. It’s your night off!” 

Another pause. “Tyler, I don’t- can I come get you? It’s almost eleven anyways.” Josh said, his voice tight.

“Joshua. Josh-u-a.” Tyler sighed. “You don’t understand. I’m trying to, to tell you, but you don’t understand.” He was getting frustrated. “It’s _fine_. It’s all fine. S’all good.” Tyler slurred, drawing out the sounds.

“Josh, Hello-o?” He said in a sing-song voice, not hearing anything.

“Yeah.” Josh’s voice was wary. “Hey, Ty, could you do me a favor and tell me the alphabet backwards?”

Tyler giggled. “That’s a silly game, Josh. You’re funny.” Josh sighed on the other end. “Tyler, just do it.”

He huffed. “I’m at a party, Josh! I’m having _fun_ , I’m doing what you wanted me to.” Tyler whined, not knowing why Josh sounded so serious.

“What I wanted you to?” Josh repeated back, “Oh, hell, Tyler. I didn’t want you to get drunk.”

Tyler laughed. “Josh! I’m not drunk! I only had like,” He paused, trying to think. “Some drinks.”

“Tyler.” Josh sounded upset. “Go find Pete. Give him the phone, okay?” Tyler really didn’t want to get up.

“Ty, please.” Okay, fine, he would get up.

After wandering around the bottom floor of the house for a few minutes, Tyler stumbled into the kitchen where he found Pete and Patrick hooking up against the counter. He stood there for a few seconds, not sure what to do, before Pete broke away and gave Tyler a somewhat annoyed look.

“Can we help you?” He said warily, and Tyler stood frozen for a few seconds before he remembered why he had gone there. “S’Josh.” He mumbled, holding up the phone. Pete, looking confused as hell, held it up to his ear, his expression growing serious in a few seconds. Tyler stood against the cabinet as the room swayed slightly back and forth, and Pete finally hung up the phone, turning towards him.

“Tyler, what the hell, I didn’t know you’d never had a drink before!” He said exasperatedly, taking the boy by the arm and guiding him through the house before he could fall over and break something, or himself.

“Man, Josh sounded _pissed_. Fuck, this is my fault. I shouldn’t have given you vodka. You're such a lightweight.” Pete sighed. Tyler didn't really know what that meant. They were on the front porch, Tyler falling onto their bench swing, as Pete explained to him that they were waiting for Josh. 

“Is Josh coming to the party?” Tyler said excitedly, and Pete gave him a weird look. “Ohmygod, dude, you’re so out of it. No. Josh is coming to pick you up.” 

Tyler leaned back, grinning. “I’m glad.” He told the other boy. “Josh is cute. I love Josh.” He exclaimed, and Pete rolled his eyes, laughing. “Okay, Tyler. That’s nice.” It _was_ nice, Tyler thought, as he swung back and forth in the chair. 

He did this until he spotted the familiar red jeep pull up the driveway, Josh getting out and walking up to the porch. Tyler immediately scrambled up, taking a step towards Josh before toppling over. He opened his eyes after a few seconds, blinking up at Josh and Pete standing over him. He giggled. “You guys are upside down.” Josh sighed. 

“I don’t know how he got like this.” Pete explained. “He- I was in the kitchen the whole night. He couldn’t have had more than a few shots.” Josh rolled his eyes. “I told you on the phone, he’s never had a sip of alcohol in his life. He doesn’t know his limits.”

Tyler huffed at this, the two boys turning back to where he lay on the ground. “Yes I do.” Tyler giggled. “I’m at my limit. I passed my limit. That’s how I know my limit.” He mumbled, thinking it was the funniest thing in the world. 

Josh simply ignored him, turning back to Pete. “This is my fault. I’m gonna take him home.” The two boy’s leaned down, each taking one of Tyler’s arms and pulling him to his feet. “Bye, Pete!” Tyler called as Josh helped him down the front stairs. “Sorry, Josh.” Pete called back warily, knowing the other boy was in for a long night. 

After two steps off the front porch, Josh decided it would be easier just to carry the boy, and he scooped him up in his arms. Tyler smiled, he _loved_ when Josh carried him, nuzzling into his chest. “Hi.”

Josh didn’t look down. “Hi, Ty.” He balanced Tyler against the car as he opened the passenger door and slid Tyler in. He silently walked around the front and started the car, Tyler blinking up at him nervously. “What’s wrong?” His mood completely dropped as he searched Josh's face, his happy mood from before completely vanishing. 

Josh didn’t answer, just backed out of the driveway, trying not to run over any other drunk teenagers, his face stoic. “Do you hate me?” Tyler said quietly, his eyes already filling with tears as his heart raced. “I-I tried to be like you, Josh. I thought you’d be happy I went to a party.” 

Josh’s jaw clenched, and he gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. “That’s the thing, Tyler.” He said slowly, his voice tight. “I mean, fuck, I made you do this. This is all my fault.” He sighed. “I pushed you into going. I did this. Of course I don’t hate you. I never will.” 

He ran a hand through his hair. “God, I can’t believe myself. I should’ve never brought this up. I’m so, so sorry baby. Of course I don’t care if you do this stuff, I don’t care about anything other than you being happy. I’m a fucking idiot. I’m sorry, Ty.” 

Tyler sniffled, wiping the tears from his eyes as he smiled up at Josh. “Oh! No, Josh, s’okay, Josh! It-it was my decision. You didn’t make me go.” He asserted. "I’m glad I went!”

Josh looked at him exasperatedly. “Yeah, I bet you are.” Tyler giggled at this. “You are. I mean, I am. You’re right. But I feel so, light, and dizzy and stuff. S'weird.” He said, as if that was some great revelation.

“Of course you do, baby boy.” Josh sighed lightheartedly, ruffling Tyler’s hair with one hand. “Won’t feel so good tomorrow morning, though.” Tyler hummed, leaning into Josh’s hand, ignoring the rest of what he had said. “More.” He mumbled contently as Josh ran his finger’s through Tyler's soft hair. “Tyler, I’m driving.” Josh said dryly, though not removing his hand until they were parked in front of Josh’s apartment.

Josh turned to Tyler before getting out of the car, his voice serious. "We're gonna have to talk about this tomorrow, Ty. You know that, right?" Tyler whined, closing his eyes and nuzzling his head into the crook of Josh's neck. 

"Tyler." Josh said firmly, and the other boy stopped, looking up at him with wide eyes. "You, I mean, you forced yourself to go to this party, you even got yourself _drunk_ , just because you thought I wanted you to? Because you thought I wanted you to be like me?" Josh continued, despite being pretty sure Tyler wouldn't process half of this. "I was an idiot in high school, Tyler. That stuff's not important to me anymore. _You're_ what's important to me."

Josh got out of the car and walked around to Tyler's side, lifting the boy out of the passenger seat. "And Ty, baby, I don't know what this stuff is about me 'not having to put up with you'. That's not true, you know that, right?" Tyler didn't respond, just murmured contently as Josh pulled him into his chest, looping his small arms around Josh's neck. "Okay, baby." Josh said gently, realizing there was probable no getting through to Tyler tonight. "We can talk about this tomorrow." 

Once again opting to simply carry the boy up given his current state, Josh had no choice but to begin to trudge his way up with a very talkative and grabby Tyler in his arms. “Joshua, are we there yet? S'been so long.” He slurred adorably, lightly tugging fistfuls of Josh’s T-shirt. 

“Not yet, Tyler.” Josh repeated for the third time. “Okay.” Tyler said, and giggled, for the third time. 

“Hey Josh?” 

“Yes, Tyler?” Josh really wanted to be annoyed at this point, but he didn’t have it in him.

“Your hair is pretty.” Tyler was extra blushy, too, looking up at Josh with those cute brown eyes that nearly made him fall down the stairs. "You're pretty, Josh." 

“Thanks, Ty."

He laid his head against Josh's chest, happily humming along to that song stuck in his head. 

_"I want you to hold me down, down, down_  
_Down forever, hey, hey, hey"  
_

Tyler was tapping on Josh's chest with each syllable, singing along with his voice lilting and slightly out of tune, making Josh laugh despite himself. 

_"Said you know I wanna keep you around_  
_'Round forever, hey, hey, hey."  
_

"Josh?" Tyler said urgently, pausing his signing.

"Yes, Tyler?"

"Are you gonna hold me forever, like in the song?" He asked, looking up at Josh seriously.

Josh pretended to consider this. "Hmmm... Maybe just 'till you can walk on your own, kid."

Tyler frowned at this. "But... Josh?"

He sighed. "Yes, Tyler?"

"You're gonna be around forever, right?"

"Yes, Tyler."

"Promise?"

"Yes, Tyler. Promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot tell you how overwhelmingly grateful i am for all of your support. after things have been kind of bad for me recently, seeing message after message of all of your incredibly kind words was so unexpected and meaningful that i actually started to cry a little bit last night. i have no idea what i did to deserve you all.
> 
> im so thankful for each and every one of you- you all help me more than you can imagine. just the fact that so many of you cared enough to take the time and say so many kind and uplifting things honestly stunned me, and was inspiring beyond belief. you are all absolutely amazing people.
> 
> and if anyone is reading this who is struggling right now, with self-harm or parental abuse or anything else, please know that i am absolutely here for each and every one of you. i want to return the incredible support i've found in you guys. 
> 
> please stay safe, and stay alive. i love you.
> 
> thanks for sticking around


	16. wait for summertime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from walk the moon's anna sun
> 
> sorry this is really short- read the endnote

Even after a month of living with the boy, Josh was still discovering new things about Tyler every day, seeing all new sides to him. For example, how after just a few shots, Tyler melted into a giddy, affectionate, adorable mess with terrible coordination and equally terrible decision making skills. Or, how the morning after those few shots, Tyler turned into a helpless creature who didn’t want to move. Or speak. Or breathe. 

Josh sighed as he opened his bedroom door, checking on Tyler for the third time that morning. Or, rather, that afternoon. It was one o’clock, and Tyler was still so completely unmoving that Josh made sure to check that he was breathing.

Josh sat down next to Tyler on the bed, looking at the boy sleeping peacefully before gently shaking his shoulder. “Ty, baby.” Tyler groaned, his eyelids fluttering before shutting tightly. “I know, honey. But you need to get up, and drink some water, take some aspirin. You won’t feel any better laying here all day.

“I will if you lay here with me.” Tyler muttered, rolling over to hide his face in the pillow, blindly reaching out and tugging on Josh’s shirt. Turns out, Tyler was grabby not just when he was drunk, but hungover too. 

Josh slid in behind him, leaning on the headboard and gently pulling Tyler up against his chest. The smaller boy curled into him, resting his head against Josh’s shoulder and nuzzling against his neck expectantly. 

“Tyler…” Josh had learned pretty early on that Tyler’s absolute favorite thing was when Josh played with his hair, and he was going to use that as an advantage. “I'll only do that if you move. We can go on the couch, but staying in bed for an entire day when you’re hungover doesn’t help anything. You gotta get up, baby.”

Tyler didn’t respond. “Ty. You’re probably already dehydrated, and you need to eat something, aspirin will help your headache, and you’ll feel better if you get up.” Josh ruffled his hair. “And shower. And change.” Josh laughed, and Tyler blushed against his chest. 

“M’sorry, J.” He mumbled, and Josh started lightly rubbing his back. 

“Baby, it’s alright. we don’t need to talk about it right now.” Tyler sighed, eyes still closed. “I’ll make pancakes again.” Josh bribed, and Tyler cracked an eye open. “With whipped cream?” He asked reluctantly.

Josh laughed. “Do you even need to ask?”

An hour of tempting, bribing, and pancake-making later, a bleary-eyed Tyler was sitting on the edge of counter, sipping a glass of water and swallowing down a pill. 

“Thanks, J.” He said shyly, now that he was fully waking up. And with waking up came remembering. “Sorry for being… such a mess.” Tyler looked down, biting his lip and blushing slightly.

“Hey.” Josh said softly, lifting Tyler’s chin and running his thumb over the boy’s cheek. “It’s okay, baby.” Josh sighed. “Actually, no, it’s not. That whole thing was my fault, Tyler.” 

Tyler looked at him blankly. “It was your fault I got myself drunk and completely embarrassed myself?”

Josh took a deep breath. “Listen, I don’t know how much you remember from last night…” Tyler flushed, shaking his head. 

“When I called you last night, baby, you said some things. Like how I should enjoy my ‘night off’, and how I didn’t have to deal with you. And, well, you said you only went because you wanted to be like me, or that you didn’t want to disappoint me or something like that. Which is, just… Please tell me you know that’s not true, Ty. What were you thinking?” 

Tyler shook his head again, tears pricking his eyes as he looked down at the counter. “M’so sorry, Josh. I don’t know. I-I thought you might be getting sick of me, of having me around all the time, y’know? Like, you didn’t sign up for this. For any of this.”

Josh was stunned into silence, and Tyler took that as a sign to continue. 

“I thought, maybe, I could go to that stupid party and be like a normal teenager, you would, I don’t know… It’s just,” Tyler mumbled the next part quickly, stumbling over his words, “I wonder a lot why you like me or anything and maybe you just feel sorry for me since you’re amazing and probably had tons of friends in high school and you’re popular and fun and I’m-“

Josh cut him off mid-sentence, lightly pressing their lips together, cupping Tyler’s face with both his hands. “And you’re _everything_ , Tyler.” Tyler looked back at him with wide eyes, the breath stolen from his lungs. 

“You are everything to me. And Tyler, honey, it’s okay if you can’t see that right now. I’ll be here to remind you of that every single day until you get sick of me. I’m not going anywhere. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

It truly felt like they did. For the next two weeks, during Tyler’s _actual_ spring break (Josh even checked with Brendon just to make sure), the two of them slipped into a routine of some of the happiest times of their lives. Josh still had to work at the tattoo parlor during the days, but as long as Tyler was by his side, there was no place he’d rather be. As usual, the parlor was practically empty during Josh’s shifts, so they had the whole place to themselves. It was their little heaven. Tyler spent most of those days sitting contently on Josh’s lap, watching TV in the back room, sleeping, listening to music and singing along. 

_”Screen falling of the door, hanging off the hinges,_  
_my feet are still sore, my backs on the fringes._  
_We tore up the walls, we slept on couches,_  
_we lifted this house, we lifted this house.”_

The tattoo parlor became their home for the next two weeks. They mostly split their time between there and Josh’s apartment, but ended up sleeping in the parlor’s back room during one or two late nights, blankets and pillows sprawled across the floor. Josh decided to continue their little ritual of giving Tyler a new “tattoo” each day, deciding to buy washable markers after the boy joked about getting ink poisoning.

Plus, this way, Josh had every color he could think of, sketching out elaborate pictures and designs, some still just in black, some pastel colors, some vibrant and bright. Tyler’s favorites, though, were the sunsets, and sunrises, and galaxies and clouds Josh would scrawl across his arm. Tyler secretly liked them because they looked like Josh’s. Josh secretly knew. 

Josh had brought up Tyler getting an _actual_ tattoo a few times, and yo his surprise the kid didn’t totally freak out. He told Josh he just had to think of something he was sure enough about for it to be on his skin permanently. With all his time spent in the tattoo parlor, he was slowly getting more comfortable with the machines and needles. And the idea of an actual tattoo. And, Josh would at least hope, people with tattoos. 

_”Firecrackers in the east, my car parked south._  
_Your hands on my cheeks, your shoulder in my mouth._  
_I was up against the wall on the west mezzanine,_  
_we rattled this town, we rattled this scene._

Oh, and one other thing the two boys occupied their time with during that spring break: kissing. Lots and lots of kissing. Josh was always careful to make sure Tyler was comfortable with each and every thing they did, so they were taking it slow. It’s not like Josh was complaining, though. 

Just being in the same room as Tyler was enough for Josh. Just knowing he was safe and healthy and actually _happy_ , which Josh started to see more and more of as the weeks passed. Josh couldn’t bring himself to ask about how Tyler had been eating before he came to live with Josh, but now that he was, Josh didn’t have to worry about how skinny the kid was anymore. Josh would gladly make him chocolate chip pancakes every morning if that’s what it took. 

There were other little moments too, moments that made both boys realize how much had changed in the last few months. Like when Tyler came home from school one day in May with a form asking for the official spelling of his name for his high school diploma, as well as how many people he would be bringing to graduation. Tyler bit his lip as he wrote down ‘1’, but Josh was over the moon. 

“ _Graduation_ , Ty!” He exclaimed, wrapping his arms around the boy’s shoulders. “This is so exciting.” Once he started going to school on a regular basis, it was no surprise Tyler was graduating. That kid was _smart_. He had been completely caught up by the end of spring break, and was doing pretty well in his classes, too. 

Tyler just shrugged, rolling his eyes. “It’s just high school, J. I just can’t wait to be out of there.”

As good as Tyler was in all his classes, Josh knew firsthand how much he hated them, after listening to almost nightly rants about the teachers and lessons. Tyler may have had a A- in math, but his homework was half scrawled out calculus, half messy sketches and what looked like poems. He hated being told exactly what to do, and most of all how to think when it came to mundane high school classes. Tyler could be independent to a fault sometimes. 

Josh laughed. “I know, baby. Still exciting, though! You made it through high school! You’ll be free to do what you want.” He said, his voice full of enthusiasm. 

Tyler huffed. “Yeah, like go back to working at Taco Bell so I can help us get our own place.” 

Just the thought of that made Josh cringe. This was going to be hard to sell, but there was no way he was going to let that happen. Josh sat down across from him at the table, taking Tyler’s hands and looking at him seriously.

“Well, yeah…” Josh sighed. “Or, Ty, what would you think about college?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **this story is on hiatus until further notice**
> 
> i wish i could say i haven't been posting because i relapsed again like last time, or anything like that. something really bad happened last week, and someone in my immediate family died. if you've been following along with this, and with me, you guys know i've had a complicated relationship with my parents, which leaves behind a whole lot of messy and awful thoughts that i’m probably going to be struggling with for a long time
> 
> i’m only posting this chapter because this is what was already written (which is why it's so short) and i feel like i owe a lot of you at least some sort of explanation to why there might not be anymore updates, and these end notes are the only place i can use. 
> 
> i wish so badly that i was making this up or using this as an excuse for not posting anymore. i haven’t really decided yet what I’m doing with this, or tumblr and other social media. in the past I’ve used writing, including this story, as a way to cope with everything, but i don’t know if i can do that anymore. in a few weeks, or months maybe, i promise i'll try, but i don’t know if that will work at this point. when i relapsed, i got comments like “i would wait months for this update” and “ill still be here in a year”, and if that's true, i might take you up on that. 
> 
> for those of you i've been lucky enough to be talking to for this time, my kik is adelynd if you ever wanted to message me or anything like that. i want to respond to comments and stuff but i don't think that's gonna happen for a while. this story and the people i've found through it have grown to be more than i could ever imagine, but i don't know what else to do. thanks for sticking around until now.


End file.
